Longtime coming...

[june72]

As a child I was actually relieved when my mother kicked my dad out of the house. It just made for a more relaxing atmosphere and not dreading what would happen next.

I think both my kids are still very attached to M, although they are angry with her. She's has been a devoted mother excluding issues with her BPD(which includes the drinking). I guess part of my problem is that I don't really know how to tell how severe this is. I hope the alanon meeting will give me more perspective. maybe I'm still in denial about all this.

Yes, it is never a good situation to see a parent leave the house as a child but sometimes it's the only alternative. A parent spiraling out of control with mental illness (dad had severe depression) is quite scary for kids. I was 12 when my mother insisted he leave. He was homeless- slept in a van for a few days, then at the Y and then went to a psych ward. I think the fact that he really had no alternative (jobless, homeless) nudged him to go in for help.
Yes, I loved my dad very dearly and knew that he was crazy in love with me and my sister. Honestly it was the only thing keeping him going- his love for his kids. But, the drama, the upset, the rages, the actual terrifying fear of what in the world was going to happen next. The screaming match they had every night. Seeing my mother crying constantly and my father sitting in the living room every night with the lights off just smoking a cigarette. The tag teaming my sister and I did to try to console each parent. My sister would tend to my crying mother. I would go to my dad and try to say some positive words (he would saying nothing to me- would scare the crap out of me).

Just as kids you see it all and know more than parents realize and you feel so helpless. You try and do whatever you can to help the situation. We would always demand our parents hug each other and tell us that they love each other (silly, I know we were just kids)


But to not have the worry and anxiety and worry that the parent with mental illness is not going to upset the other parent and the walking on eggshells. It just starts taking a serious toll on kids, IMO. If you kids are already discussing her Bipolar and it's affecting them.....


I excerpted this from your earlier post. This stuck out to me in a big way:

D17 tells me this morning about her frustration with W; I'm trying to be careful and not put her in the middle. it's heartbreaking for me because she is clearly trying to carry the burden of all this all by herself and keeps telling me she will be just fine. she tells me she knows "mom is bi-polar" and that her and S13 talked about it lastnight and he knows too. She says shes known since she was 12 or 13, because she we blow up at them for no reason. I've discussed it with her once, a year ago when she seemed to be blaming her mothers fury on herself. there just seemed no way around it, but she now says she's known for much longer. she asked if she needs to watch out for her drinking (sob!).