You know, I miss my old self. Three years ago (down to just a few days), I was a happy person. I was stressed out sometimes, but other than that, happy.
Now, everything is a struggle. Yes, it is greatly improved since the initial days of the bomb and the craziness I sank into.
But I am sitting here, yet again, crying.
Over my x being nice to me.
I am so angry at myself. I want to be normal again. I want that state of grace.
But I also want him to just go away. It hurts. It still hurts.
I don't want him to be that man who I loved so much for so long, but who now wants to be with someone else, and relegate me to "friend" status.
I don't want to admit that he is still a good man capable of decency.
And I am weak. And I am messed up, still trying to become a better person.
I don't want to turn into a mess all the time - I am sick of it! How many years can you spend crying?
My head, my thoughts are swirling.
I don't know if I will ever completely recover from all this.
