True Love or True Fog? Changing Forums

[pearlharbr]

I'm with Kimmie Lee. I'm a bit surprised he didn't outright ask you to let him off the $ hook but I know that's what he's angling for with his woe-is-me story.

Everyone is having problems these days, including you! He needs to fulfill his financial obligations, period.

I would respond with a simple email: glad to hear your job prospects are looking up, I would like to handle the money...(I would let the lawyers handle the money so everything is on the record that he either pays or weasels out but that is your decision to make.)

[Silver Fox]

Hi ClingingToHope,

I appreciate you posting to me. Yes, H is having it rough right now, but unlike a lot of people, he didn't come by it honest. He had a very good job and lost it due mostly to his involvement with OW. He is suffering the consequences of his dishonest and disgraceful actions. I worry about him but I do not feel sorry for him.

He became involved with her the summer he was supposed to be applying for tenure at the university where he taught. He never finished it - never turned in his portfolio. They had to let him go.

Why does he have 236,000 miles on his truck? OW lives 200 miles away. He drove to see her every single weekend for over a year and a half. Now he lives there - and we're not even D yet.

He mentions not being able to visit Florida because we spent all of our vacations there, 2-3 weeks at a time, for 20 years - boating, fishing, staying with his mom, sister, niece & nephew. When I couldn't go he would go by himself at least 4 times a year. We were going to retire there. He's given it all up for someone who "doesn't like the water and thinks fishing is cruel".

Go back and read my history if you have a chance. I'll check up on you. I haven't done a very good job lately of posting to others but I need to start - I've learned so much these last 2 years.

Kimmie Lee and Pearl Your bullsh!t meters are fine tuned. I haven't responded to the email yet but I did forward it to my L.

[Silver Fox]

Well, 2 weeks later and I never responded to his email. I wouldn't be able to do it without flattening him - which I've never done (yet). I'm waiting to hear back from my L about the monthly payments. H said to "let him know". Well I think my L should be the one to "let him know".

[pearlharbr]

I think that's a good idea. You're following the age old adage, if you can't say something nice don't say anything at all. I hope your L isn't letting this slide, I want to know you'll have the money you need to pay the bills.

[Silver Fox]

Thanks Pearl.

H has started posting to his sister and niece on FB. I can see them because I'm friends with the two of them as well as his mom.

H was on FB years ago before it was so popular, then he stopped for awhile - I guess too busy with OW.

I signed up last summer and have enjoyed staying in touch with SIL/MIL. We keep it casual and never talk about you know what.

It gives me the creeps seeing his posts and his profile pic. I was doing so well at detaching, preparing for the D, acting as if. Now I have to look at his stupid remarks? Surely he knows I can see them?

[pearlharbr]

Ack, that sucks. I would stay away from MIL and SIL's walls. You can block their status updates so they don't show up in your feed. Or you just unfriend them and keep up with them via email. You know I'd never jump in to defend H but I honestly don't think he thinks about you seeing his posts.

BTW, if you want to find me on FB, let me know.

[Silver Fox]

Well I relented and sent H a short email:

"Glad your job prospects are improving. I'd prefer to let the attorneys handle the divorce terms. In the meantime, I will need $900 by this Friday, Nov. 20".

His quick reply: "Okay, I deposited the check last Thursday and I've been waiting for it to clear. I will go ahead and put a check in the mail to you tomorrow so it will be there by Friday".

I forwarded his email to L. Here's proof he cashed more of his retirement fund WITHOUT MY SIGNATURE.

L says to ask for copies of the withdrawal paperwork and tell H he must give me 1/2 of what he cashed.

I sent this message on to H. No reply yet, but he's been on FB all afternoon talking with 16 year old niece about rock and roll bands, hey!

[pearlharbr]

Argh! How can he cash out without your signature? Because the account is just in his name? Can you go to the financial institution and request copies of the statements?

What a douchebag.

SF, I thought of you the other night. I'm starting a new exercise program in December and the studio had an open house Fri night. It's called Pure Barre and combines ballet, pilates and light weights. I'm concerned about not being able to get into the plie but I've been told it's great for strengthening my shaky knees. I just wish I had more flexibility.

[dncrm]

Hi SF,

I don't think that I ever wote to you before but when I read what you had to say about your husband taking money from the retirement fund I wanted to make sure that you were aware that this is a huge no no. Not only can he be held accountable for all withdrawals made without your signature but his company can as well, so says Uncle Sam. I would let him know that you are aware of the law so that he won't be draining the account without your knowledge.

In all fairness, he may be oblivious to that since his company may have not asked for your signature, which as I said is against the law. The other thing is that if his company did require it he may have forged your name. Either way I'd put him on notice just in case he's considering another withdrawal in the future. After all you're just protecting your assets!

dsm

[Silver Fox]

Wow, the oldtimers aren't kidding when they say to expect spewing attacks. Here's H's reply to my email asking for paperwork and 1/2 of what he took out of his fund:

That's really nice. Thanks a lot. First, I told you I was going to "cash out" some of my retirement before I did and you didn't say a word or bother to reply to my email. Second, I got the money exactly so that I could pay your alimony until I had a paycheck coming in (as well as my bankruptcy attorney and truck repairs so that I can GET to work). But I suppose you are going to demand BOTH 1/2 my retirement AND $900 a month. Anyway, I was going to put a check for $3600 in the mail today (which is 1/2) to pay alimony through March and I'm still going to do that. I'm sure you and your lawyer will enjoy taking more from me when that time comes.

Ohhh, I'm supposed to be "nice" - oops - my bad. I guess now is the time for me to respond with the classic "I'm sorry you feel that way"?

dncrm: Thanks for your post. Last summer we agreed to take out a small amount of his retirement fund to help us both out. I'm the beneficiary so I had to sign and have it notarized then he had to drive to his former place of business to also sign in person - then mail it to the main company (it's retirement stock). What my L and I don't understand is how this time he apparently was able to withdraw funds without any of the above process, including not getting my signature. OR, he might have another account that I know nothing about and one that he didn't disclose at mediation. As you can see, his email is very defensive.

Pearl: Douchebag! I haven't heard that term in a long time! Makes me feel 15 again! But seriously, careful with the plies. Only do demi plies not grand plies. In the demi you keep your heels on the floor - a grand plie goes much lower and the heels lift up - it's also harder on the knees. Always remember, a plie is a stretch not a drop - stay tall and resist when bending, it will work your quads more. How's that for your first lesson!

But back to H's email. I'm not letting this one go without a response. Any suggestions? Oldtimers, I'd appreciate some input.