Looks like I might soon be LBS...newcomer here

[brownidmom]

So... I just spent some hours reading your threads in detail and making notes (9 pages of them.) I want to mull over the notes later.

Thank you for taking the time. I appreciate it.

In the meantime, here's what I see about your H:

a) Your H seems to suffer from paranoia.

Hmmmm... never thought of him as paranoid. I work with someone who is paranoid and it drives me completely insane. I think of him more as suspicious of me and my intentions, what I'm hiding, what I really mean. Does that make me paranoid???

b) His behavior exhibits traits of a Passive-Aggressive person.

I can see why he might seem this way from my description on the thread. I will not say that isn't the case. He is quiet more times than not when I am seething, just makes me more angry. He doesn't waste words and his actions are very calculated. He is an observer and he has everyone's number in interactions.

Believe it or not, I am generally a very happy person; I tend to let little things go and go and go until they build up and I explode. Not good, I know.

I personally have some Passive-Aggressive in me but not to the extent of your H. I deal with it differently. I admit we're not the easiest people in the world to get along. Especially when we feel we've been wronged. Google it for more information, I think it will help you a little.

I'll check it out, couldn't hurt.

Questions for you.
1) Attorney: You've been advised to and have suggested seeking legal counsel a few times. Have you done this yet? If not, why not? If you have, what did they say?

Yes, I did consult one who told me that she didn't think I was ready to move forward. This was about a year ago though, before I joined the DB boards. I mentioned it to my H and he turned it around on me later. "You're the one who called the attorney." Have I mentioned that he turns everything around on me?

2) Have you two ever been apart for an extended period of time during your marriage? i.e. Moving out for longer than a week.

No, neither of us has ever moved out. I have gone away a couple of times for 2 weeks at a time on business, saw him on the weekends.

I'll wait for your answer because I need to step away from the PC and take a break. Your thread has exposed some things in me that I've been guilty of in the past within my M that I want to mull over.

Gnosis, I hope that whatever it might be will help you in some way. I really do appreciate your input.

Now onto some updates:

On Sunday, we went to the circus in separate cars. H had to go somewhere else first and met us there. He walked us to my car afterwards and lingered a bit. I just talked about the boys and once I got them into the car, said "OK, see you at home" and walked away. I think it is possible that my dark behavior over the last couple of weeks and then my peck on our anniversary (Saturday) had an impact because he came to bed on Sunday night too, the first time in 3+ weeks. Then on Monday morning, he commented that his dream had something to do with "if he kissed me and I had kissed someone else, he was sharing me OR that I was exposing him to other people.

If you've read all my posts, you'll know that I kissed another man about 12 and a half years ago one time while my H and I were dating.

I did not bite on his attempts to pull me into an R discussion. I just said that he needs to make whatever decisions are best for him. This is a 180 for me because I usually get upset and go back to defending myself, pointing out that I haven't been with anyone but him in 20 years. Yesterday, though, I was able to end the conversation without getting upset, without placing any blame, or trying to tell him how wrong he is about me. Guess what? Back to bed he came last night.

I have finally just turned my sitch over to God and think about my actions and what I have learned here instead of trying to talk him out of his madness. It won't work and I know that now. Only took me 7 years!

I lurk in several posts that I have never commented on because I have nothing to contribute compared to the professionals on here, but I want to thank everyone for all your wisdom.

This is far from being busted and far from reconciliation, but I am so much better than I've been in a long while. And I'll take it!!!!

bim