I am just shaking my head here bud. You had an excellent post from walking...that is definitely one to print and put in your back pocket. The text wasn't bad....but I wouldn't have done it. That said I really want you to go back and look at your threads over the last 48 hours...then do it again. Be honest and tell us what you see.
On the co-dependency issue...without a doubt that is a problem in your old relationship and even continues to this day in your relationship with your wife. Step back and analyze your behavior. As strong as you are trying to appear at times....the tell tale signs are still there. It is almost like you are at a crossroads and can't make a choice which path to take. You keep stepping down one path and then pull back. Read your stuff....there are a lot of answers there waiting for you.
Jack is right about venting to the kids. You want to be open and let them vent to you by validating their feelings, but venting back to them is unhealthy for them, you, and eventually your wife. You are their rock and be there for them, but they are your kids and need to see you stand tall and strong. As much as you strive to teach your kids to be open with their feelings (and I do applaud that), this is one situation were leading by example might not be the best course of action.
In my opinion, the text was a bad idea. Remember, she left you. No need to play Mr. Nice Guy with her right now. She will end up walking all over you anyway.
You know how I manage to stop myself from texting or calling my MLC'er? I always say to myself
' F her'
It works 100% of the time. Trust me, it feels good to say it.
Right now, focus on yourself and your kids. Let her continue on a downward spiral. Just don't let her suck you or the kids into it along with her.
It all depends....being polite every now and then...not bad...like once every two weeks. But if you appear to be trying to please her (whether intended or not) then she will walk all over you. There isn't a rule that covers all interactions, but by being nice less you are actually giving her the opportunity to realize what she has given up. Plus it is easier to be a little dark then trying to be pleasurable if that makes any sense.
If you really want to give her what she wants...100%...listen to what she has said. If she had asked for a new car, a vacation, or a new wardrobe....I am sure you would have given it to her. Now she is in a way asking for space from you....so you should give it to her. With that space comes the reality that you are not going to be her enabler anymore....the support , love, and security that you represented for so long needs to disappear. Like the song says "You don't know what you got until it is gone"
