Is this the end of my marriage?

[P17]

The extraordinary lengths you seem to be going to be somehow talked out of this, lends me to believe that you're not ready to do it -- you don't believe in our plan of action.

I don't want to be talked out of it. I actually want to be reassured that I am doing the right things or the only thing that is available to me. I would just like to feel comfortable knowing that there really is nothing else to try given my sitch.

Do I believe in it. I will believe in it if it's the only thing available. I believe I can do it. It is going to be tough but again I just hark back to that time when there was no contact for 10 days and I actually started to feel good again and was starting to detach. I want to get back to feeling like that again so as it was NC back then I feel that doing NC again will get me back to it.

You're almost like "I'm serious, everybody! Unless somebody talks me out of it, I'M GONNA HOLD MY BREATH UNTIL I TURN BLUE! I MEAN IT NOW . . . "

No?

No. That's not it. I'm sorry if that's the way it came across.

I love my W. I've lost her to OM. I don't know what to do to get her back. I'm lost, completely lost. I'm scared to do this, in case it seems weak and needy. I'm scared to do that in case it puts pressure on her. And I'm scared to do the other in case it's seen as vindictive.

I look at the options open to me by reading DR and DB books and none of them really apply to my sitch other than LRT. W has moved on emotionally is my guess. Some of the things she is doing suggest otherwise but I'm probably reading too much into them. I don't see her ever coming back but I have a hope in my heart that she will one day.

In the meantime I just cannot detach completely. I have tried and tried and tried. I can't do it.

It annoys me that W comes around and continues to play happy families with my D like nothing has happened. She continues to try and be her mum and I think to myself if you loved her that much you would have at least tried to work on the M and not set me up to end the M and enable you to have the A guilt free (yeah, I know they all do something the same but it hurts nonetheless).

It also annoys me that she has OM, new house, etc. (as I said before) and also H and step-D. What a fantastic setup she has. Two men who love her who she can play off against each other if she wants - what a huge ego boost. She has a step-D and can continue to tell everybody that she is just having contact for her and that it's so tough for her seeing me all the time - me who has done her so much harm. She can also satisfy her own guilt that she is still a good mother.

And while all this is happening my heart is being torn apart. My emotions are running riot and I just can't do it anymore.

So what I want to do is something that will enable me to detach, deal with me and D's pain and hurt, give us space, time to heal, understand and grieve for the M. At the same time I want my D (and my W - although as you said you can teach an adulterer) to realise that your actions have consequences and you must be man enough to live with them. I also want W to stop cake eating.

LRT is the only way I can see those goals being met. LRT is an extreme measure but it's the only one I can see. But I am emotional and new to all of this. You guys are the experts which is why I ask you if there is something else that you know, or have tried, or have heard of that will allow me to meet those goals without going to the extreme measure.

If you want to know why your PC is slow, not working or how the driver for your scanner keeps crashing, give me a call. If I want to know about DR or DB I ask you guys as you are the experts.

That is the only reason I ask. I ask for advice that's all. If I need hit by a 2x4 I don't complain as I know you guys do it for no other reason than to help.

This is also the reason it looks like I keep chopping and changing my mind. I decide to do something, put it out there and you guys give me food for though and then I think ... hmm, maybe I should try that instead. It's simply because you guys know more about what works than I do. I listen to my Dad as he knows more than me ... I also listen to people in my own field who know more than me ... and I listen to you guys as you know more than me!