Sorry to hear your story. I am glad you found this site. The support I got here was amazing. Keep posting in this thread. Venting helps. Asking direct questions helps.
Pass out what you want to receive. - Go support others and they will reciprocate. Start with compassion and empathy and work into advice.
I am not religious but I have found God and Jesus after the bomb. I committed to personal growth and being the best dad I could be. With that said, Check out the books I listed on the first post of my thread. They are all great.
It is critical that you make changes to your thinking,words and actions. You make these changes for YOU. H will be interested in these changes. Do not talk about them, just do them. The changes have the best chance of drawing H back to you. The KEY is for you to give him space, let him miss you, and seduce him back. "The Art of Seduction" is a good book to read as well as "Boundaries", but I recommend "Divorce Remedy" first, "The Four Agreements" second.
With that said, Patience and Perseverance (contently waiting), Forgiveness and boundaries are very important now. The past is over. Focusing your thoughts on the present is very important. Goals for the future is also important.
Take this opportunity to grow. You only have control over you. H will make his own choices. Become the most attractive choice.
"What is best for my kids is best for me" Amor Fati Link to quotes: https://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2879712
