I know I am in the minority here and I openly admit I don't know the divorce laws of PA but I am a huge advocate of leaving the affair out of the proceedings until you *need* to. Trust me, it works.
Like your WAS, my WAS told his attny that his affair started in July of 2008 when it actually started in March of 2008 while we sill lived together. He moved out in April of 2008. Although a physical separation (not legally documented) in NY means jack, his attny said it was "ok". LOL!
I never brought it up until it was time to negotiate which gave me the leverage to NOT have to negotiate.
Like you, I had more than enough evidence to plead my case should it become necessary and my H knew it. My attny and I quietly went about our business and it was then I started getting e-mails from my H that he knew there would be consequences for "that other thing" (his GF/affair).
In a way it also made his life *very* miserable because his friends and co-workers were not quite as loyal as he thought and to this day I refuse to tell him who told me what. And I never will. I told my attny the same thing and he supported that. Instead of focusing on what I knew, for a long time he focused on who told me. Wrong move, my man.
Do not tell her anything legal. Do not threaten her with anything legal. She knows she is in a corner and she can say she was afraid all she wants. A judge does not want to hear this BS, they want a resolution. So, you and your attny go about your business in private and file your motions and petitions and let her wonder and worry.
Had we not settled out of court our trial would have started today and I can assure you it would not just have been me and my H in that courtroom. I actually had to laugh at my H last month when he had the balls to tell me that his GF whines so much about why this is taking so long and how patient she has been and how she has told him he is no longer to talk to me. LOL! I ignored it but wanted to say to my H that your GF should be sending me flowers and thank you note that she *wasn't* pulled into this. Thankfully I am smarter and have more class than that. So do you!
