Trying LRT - Please Help!

[Super Girl]

(((Mo3)))

[motherof3]

Thanks SG.

Question: H just emailed me a couple of questions regarding the kids. Do I respond with nothing but just the facts and leave it at that? Or Do I answer his questions in addition with some chit/chat like hows the weather type of things? What I want to do and what I should do here may be two different things.

[Lll54]

What I want to do and what I should do here may be two different things.

Exactly. Just the facts. I think you know the answer to your own question. Be bubbly be happy. "Hey!" and " Have a great day!" But that's it...

[Lll54]

Hey MO3, what did you end up doing with the email?

[motherof3]

Brit,

Thanks for asking. I actually emailed him today about it. I basically took Garderner's worried. H responded back that he would have the kids back home by 7:00 on Christmas Eve. Responded by saying thanks and that was it. I guess it wasn't really a big deal to him as he didn't push back.

[Serenity13]

(((MO3)))

Try not to read into that response from him...

It will do nothing but eat at you...

I used to read into each and every word dripping off my H's lips and it just made my head hurt by the end of the day...

As long as you stay upbeat when speaking to him, end the conversation first and don't get drawn in the crazy web, you will do just fine.

[motherof3]

Just journaling.

I saw H today. S had a basketball game tonight. I pretty much ignored H the entire time and probably came off as a little snobbish. It is hard for me to be cordial with H in face to face situations. I find it very ackward and uncomfortable. Just not ready for that I guess.

H did approach me once during the game to give me a check to help cover the house expenses. After the game I said goodbye to the kids and left. On the way home I decided that I am done wearing my wedding ring. This is a big step for me as just last week I posted on someone's thread that I was going to wear my ring until the divorce papers are signed. I will probably change my mind, but for now that is how I feel.

Someone asked me today, what was it about H that I fell in love with. So I made a list of qualities. I call it my McDreamy list. So far I have come up with 25 qualities that I feel are important in a partner. H used to display all of the items on the list. But now, I would say he only displays one or two of these directly to me. He has become a person that I no longer know. He definately is not the person I married.

How did this happen right before my eyes?

[motherof3]

Thanks Serenity.

(((MO3)))

Try not to read into that response from him...

I try not to, but only end up succeeding half of the time.

As long as you stay upbeat when speaking to him, end the conversation first and don't get drawn in the crazy web, you will do just fine.

I can do all of these things when he calls to speak to the kids or via email. But haven't mastered this when face to face. Fortunately for me, we don't run into each other very often.

[Serenity13]

(((MO3)))

I pretty much ignored H the entire time and probably came off as a little snobbish. It is hard for me to be cordial with H in face to face situations.

Sorry to say this however you had a perfect opportunity for your DBing/180's to shine and you didn't take it.

I find it very ackward and uncomfortable. Just not ready for that I guess.

This is why you act "as if" until you feel it...Yes inside you may feel weird or uncomfortable or just plain out of your comfort zone however in time it becomes a part of you until you are no longer acting.

H used to display all of the items on the list.

So now make a new list instead - Starting with all he does display that you are thankful for.

How did this happen right before my eyes?

Sounds just like my thread earlier today.

Hugs and prayers for you my friend

Get some rest tonight, have a peaceful sleep and sweet dreams.

[motherof3]

I pretty much ignored H the entire time and probably came off as a little snobbish. It is hard for me to be cordial with H in face to face situations.

Sorry to say this however you had a perfect opportunity for your DBing/180's to shine and you didn't take it.

I know it and am kicking myself for it now. As I probably won't have another F2F opportunity again until after Thanksgiving. If only I had a giant life remote with a rewind button. Then I could just re-record right over the entire encounter. Better yet, maybe I should rewind several months or even years. Now that my eyes have been opened there are a great deal of things I would do differently.

I find it very ackward and uncomfortable. Just not ready for that I guess.

This is why you act "as if" until you feel it...Yes inside you may feel weird or uncomfortable or just plain out of your comfort zone however in time it becomes a part of you until you are no longer acting.

I certainly won't be winning an academy award tonight.

H used to display all of the items on the list.

So now make a new list instead - Starting with all he does display that you are thankful for.

Never thought of that. I will try it.

You have been very helpful to me. Thank you. I will try and take a peak at your sitch soon. I will be praying for you too.