I've also been wondering if I've been too "dark" recently; just a brief hello is all in the past 5 days.
I'm going to work now; thank you everyone for being here.
I think my advice would be the same whether your spouse is in an active affair or actively alcoholic (or maybe both in your case). I would no contact as much as possible except re: the kids while your W is drinking and/or having an A.
