Even if she is the one initiating BS, it takes 2 to have a "fight". What's your goal right now? Look into your future, what's your goal? I assume it is to have smooth co-parenting. Work with that on your mind.
You're right, Kalni. I didn't listen to you -- LOL -- but you're right.
Today I fought back. WAW said she "gets" why I'll never stop being an *sshole to her -- because I just don't want her to have any happiness.
No, she doesn't get it. When Signore Schmuckatelli dumped her, you will recall, WAW went down down down in emotional terms, to the point that I was worried about the kids being around her.
And, in that cycle of back-into-married-mode we all sort of fall into from time-to-time, she came to Smiley's Person Himself for consoling, which I foolishly provided in the interest of Friendiness.
And after a while, she got some cojones about it, and when Signore started sniffing around again (the man's nefarious) -- about the time she'd moved onto to Signore il Secondo -- she stood up for herself and told him to go pound sand straight to H*ll.
"Well done."
(*Sound of brakes being slammed*) Not so much. Because she couldn't take it. She just couldn't quit him. So she contacted him and asked him to be her friend on Facebook and post things there. For all her world to see, mind you -- the same people who know just how much she was hurt when Signore dumped her.
How do I know? She told me. "Just in case" I noticed it on her Facebook page [which I'm blocked from anyway!] she wanted me to know that it was "okay" because now that there's Signore il Secondo old Signore il Originale isn't important.
That was the end of bridge-building.
Yes, @Gypsy and @Kalni are absolutely right -- that's her personal life, that's her prerogative. I don't deny it. She can be friends, real or virtual, with anyone she wants.
But it's my prerogative not to open myself up to WAW as a "friend" when she is still so obviously in need of Signore's attentions. I don't really care about S. il Secondo -- she'd moved out, she was on her own; I was flirting with Miss Someone, so if she's going to have a Mr. Someone -- sauce for the gander is sauce for goose. Fine.
But this guy? The one she cheated on me with? The one who was the Greener Grass she could leave the children and me for?
No. That's beyond the pale.
So I told her so when she asked what my problem was. I wrote this:
You made your choice, and you chose {Signore Schmuckatelli}. When you said to him and everyone in your world who knows about him that you just couldn't go without having him available to you - you chose.
Let me put it in the words you used to me to rationalize and justify your affair. You said to him, to your world, and to yourself that your relationship with this "distraction" with whom you'd had the "briefest of one-night-stands" (something so trivial you could hardly remember it, with a person so easy to blow off after he acted like a jerk that it "was like swatting a fly") that relationship was worth eating crow over to publicly acknowledge your desire for a continued connection.
You chose to declare through your actions that that relationship with this man whom you yourself described as "an irrelevance" was worth keeping alive. Your marriage? No, that wasn't worth it. But {Signore}, who'd made you feel so "repulsive" because "he wouldn't even use you for sex?"
Well that must have been an affair to remember.
That choice is your privilege.
But privileges still come with a price. When you chose it you also chose never to know me as anything but the kids' father - and your *sshole ex-husband - again. I have to assume the price is worth it.
