Re: her letter, what specifically do you want to address? Why?
“Let’s be friends”. It’s such cake-eating. “Let me rip your heart out and turn your life upside down and rip our marriage apart. And after I’m done with all that, can we be buds? It’ll be a happy ending to the devastation I’m creating.” It pisses me off to no end.
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Then just answer that piece, with something like the following:
"Wife,
I received your letter; thank you for being honest with me finally, and providing me with such clarity.
In fairness, I do feel like I should let you know that I have decided that -- if our marriage is to end this way (by you cutting and running, and not working at this with me, together) -- I have no intention of being your best friend. We will be civil, yes, but for my own emotional well-being I will need to move on and try to continue the growth that I've already started.
