Am about half through a book called, "Welcome To Your Crisis" by Laura Day. I know, I know, everybody has a book for you to read. It will apply to you. It applies to everyone who goes through a crisis, which is anyone with a heartbeat.
H: 50 W: 48 Married 20 years Bomb and separation: 9/12/09 A discovered 12/02/09 http://tinyurl.com/yctnhec
rocked - yeah, it's funny how you get taken back to what seems like the same place by different emotions and circumstances at different times in the sitch huh?
I posted something like a follow up to those thoughts in my (mostly dormant) thread couple of days ago. Check it out if you have time
Me 42 W 39 Married: 11 Jan 1998, T: Since 1992 First Bomb: Sep 2007 Confirmed A/OM: 4 Nov 2007 Kids: D10, S5 Reconciled and together again after (alot of) time and heartbreak. 3rd kid, S, born 2 Jan 2010.
Do not get stuck in anger. It is a wasted energy. But use it to push yourself through tough times. When you feel weak and want to backpedel. Use it.
Then you can control the anger. I hope you get through this stage quickly. But I am very glad you finally made it here.
Bitterness will be coming up.
And we are hear for you. Cause bitterness is hard.
But just think. You are dealing with all this now. One day your H will be dealing with the grief of his affair. Then when that is done. He has to deal with what he did to you.
Good timing because I have made it my one goal for myself today to get myself to a book store to look for at least a couple of the books tat have been recommended to me.
Thanks Deep, I did check it out and that was very helpful for me. I am working today on shifting my thinking out of crisis mode and on to the detachment process again.... I really appreciate your perspective!
Anger is a normal emotion. Its OK to be angry. Whats not ok and so many ppl have said is to let it control you and send you into a downward spiral. Stay busy. Busy as you can. When you feel you just cant, do it anyway. Get thru the day, wear yourself out if you have to so you can rest, then do it again. I didnt think it wuld get easier, but it did.
Fyi, I think it's normal to be bitter towards OP. I know I certainly was. Notwithstanding the fact that they're not really likeable or admirable people generally, when you struggling with resentment and love for your spouse (and really wanting the pre-alien model back), it's easy to want to blame some external agent.
But that's not the point. Yeah, one day at a time, and to borrow someone's phrase, you know you can do it.
Me 42 W 39 Married: 11 Jan 1998, T: Since 1992 First Bomb: Sep 2007 Confirmed A/OM: 4 Nov 2007 Kids: D10, S5 Reconciled and together again after (alot of) time and heartbreak. 3rd kid, S, born 2 Jan 2010.
I just re-read my thread (hey, that rhymes... hehe sorry, very small things amuse me these days...)
The reason I did that is that I had gotten to such a good place before bomb2 and I needed to remind myself of that so I can get back there.
So, today this is what I choose:
I acknowledge that I am in emotional pain: I am angry, I am hurt, I am betrayed and I am grieving. Those emotions are real, they are very valid and they are part of reality for now.
HOWEVER.... they do NOT control me and they WILL not destroy me. They are what they are.
I have choices about what I do with those emotions.
NO matter what, I am still a FABULOUS and ATTRACTIVE woman!
I choose to be in process with those emotions, and make healthy choices for myself today.
Today, I am going to get dressed nicely and go find something nice to do for myself.
Today I am going to remember that I am better than this sitch, I am above all of this crap, I don't deserve it and I will NOT let it destroy me.
Today I am going to LOVE ME!
I deserve better than this, and I am going to bring "better" into my life... I will not wait for H or anyone else to do that. It is my job, and I will do it for myself.
I am hurt, 
I am betrayed and I am grieving. Those emotions are real, they are very valid and they are part of reality for now.
Rocked has spoken!