My problem is that I'm stuck between protecting myself from her hurtful behaviors (I believe the affair is still going on as of last weekend) and "putting on a happy face" to help win her back.
No you can and must do both. What helped me was the Stockdale Paradox. You must hold two parallel action plans in place - reconcile or divorce. Either way you thrive, takes a while to get there.
So how to protect yourself from hurtful behaviors - boundaries.
I feel ___________. When you do__________. I will do _________ when you do ______________. If you continue to do ______________ I will _______________.
her bad behavior = consequences = her choice
"I feel disrespected when you spend time with another man. I will not share you with another man. I have decided that if you do not cut off all contact then I will pack your bags and put them in the garage. If you continue to spend time with another man I will go see a lawyer to expedite a divorce."
Quote:
and she said she baited me by sending fake texts so she could see if I had been spying on her.
that made me spit my coffee out laughing!
You can handle it.
Cheers Coach
M22,H45,W45 S21/18D12 Retain faith that you will prevail in the end, regardless of the difficulties and at the same time confront the most brutal facts of your current reality, whatever they might be.
