Just stopping by I have another delivery to make. Saffie.. I know you and OT get frustrated with my indecisiveness. With my lack of "back bone" sometimes that’s all nothing wrong with you or OT... I know it's me.
I will try to be back soon Doc
And if I claim to be a wise man, well It surely means that I don't know
Sorry everyone things are ok but everytime I try to sit down something else comes up. It may be raining later today so I will be forced to stay indoors. Nothing bad has happened but nothing great either..
I will return Doc
And if I claim to be a wise man, well It surely means that I don't know
Ok Go get yourself a glass of wine (or coco) this is my update… I am still “unemployed” officially but…. I have sold all of my firewood. I have a nice hunk of change in my desk drawer. in the past I used to give the money I made in my side business to my wife to help pay bills or what ever and then ask her for money when I needed it. This time I have given W money here and there for her use NOT expecting anything in return. So this is strange to me to have so much money at one time. The heavy sales are one of the reasons I have not been around to post lately. I would be out making a delivery and before I got home another call would come in. But as I said I only have one more cord out at the ‘wood lot’ and I have two in reserves on the side of my house. I still have some wood I need to cut up and split for next year. The GREAT news is that I only had two returning customers from the past. I lost allot of my customers last year when I had my hernia surgery so next year I will need twice as much wood to sell to keep these customers who all were very happy with my service. Also my son was sick with the flu for a week. We were lucky it was not the H1N1 type but still….. He is better now but W has been working allot with him on catch up school work. Ok now for what you have been waiting for… W and I have NOT had any R type talk. She still sleeps in her office... but….She has been really nice to me. I mean she is interested in what I am doing, Asks me questions about stuff I am involved in. and even paid me a compliment. One thing wife has been doing allot is when somebody’s picture is in the news paper and it says their age she looks at the picture and say’s “this woman or guy is only 49 years old and looks allot older than I do. I don’t look that old. (Wife is 55) This morning she said this but added “you and I don’t look that old” (I am 51). Here is the hard part for me. I need to keep my mouth shut and as Saffie would say.” let the OM go” but in my mind I answered her “how about the 61yo guy you slept with. Does he look that old”...Ya Saffie and OT I know at least I only said it as my son would say... “With That voice in my head” Oh Yea I have only lost a few pounds but I am loosing my ‘beer belly” I think loading all of this wood has slimed me up a little. Are things great? No but there is allot less stress right now. I have so many things going against me. I think if wife found a job that would really be a plus in her wanting to work on our R. She is being nice to me and seems to really be taking interest in what I am doing but I have been burnt Soooo many times in the past I am a little gun shy right now. The holidays are coming up and like I said things are really nice so I am going to just keep it on cruse control until January. Like I said I do like that part of me keeping the money I earned from my wood sales and giving parts of it to wife when she needs it instead of the other way around. I guess I have detached in that prospective. My son’s hard drive on his computer died so I gave W 100.00 to get him a new one. I kind of empowered me a little. Well I hope I have not bored ya all too much Nothing big happening but I guess when I look back two years ago... my W was so confused. She told me that she did not know if she had a future with the OM... She was calling him several times a day. (I kind of wonder if the OM knew what he was getting himself into when he cheated on his wife. I think he thought it was just going to be a easy one night stand... then my wife pulled a fatal attraction on him) Anyway I really don’t think she thinks much about him anymore. I think she now sees a part of me that she overlooked. An honest hard working guy that will do anything to save his family. Like I said I don’t want to take the chance and mess up the holidays so I am going to sit tight right now and after they are over I need to risk it and start in on my flirting again. I guess my perception of a “wife” has changed. I used to want someone to take care of me. I guess more of a mother than wife. Really don’t want a wife anymore. I have learned to take care of myself now I want a lover and hopefully she can and will fill that need…
Take care Doc
And if I claim to be a wise man, well It surely means that I don't know
Glad you are doing so well! A couple of thoughts occurred to me:
First, there are a lot more aspects to "wife" than "lover" and "mother" (I agree - lose that second one, and anything else where you are not dealing with each other as equals!) For example: - best friend - partner - helper
Keep working on those aspects of the R - build them up and make them strong. The "lover" part will come.
My other thought is, don't just cruise control through the holidays. What I mean is, the holidays are a time when stress and problems get highlighted a lot. When things get tough, take that as an opportunity - to show W what a strong, confident, reliable and terrific guy you are.
Thread #10 22 year M, MLC, Piecing since 1/07 Goal: Live with confidence & enthusiasm!
Ya I know what you are saying about "more to a wife"
In the last two years I have gone from (now don't laugh) actually being scared that she and the OM might try to get rid of me. To now my W does seem to be a partner and helper in our relationship. Best friend will take awhile and I am sure lover even longer. When I said I was going on cruse control what I meant was with the R stuff. Any support W needs she has it from me. I have to admit though I still kind of try to manipulate (for lack of a better word) or maybe emphasize my worth sometimes... Yesterday it rained. I had already went out and bought new windshield wipers for wife’s car but I waited until after she went out once in the rain before I installed them so she could see the improvement. Like most things when everything looks good and seems to be taken care of nobody notices... things are taken for granted an example would be cutting the lawn. When it is cut and taken care of ya it’s noticed but not mentioned. But let it go for a few weeks and I can guarantee you it will be noticed and something said. I guess I sound like the housewife that feels taken for granted for doing all of the house work and her husband does not appreciate it. Anyway I will do my best to be the best husband during the stressful holiday season.
As Cyndi Lauper puts it
If you're (she’s) lost you (she) can look--and you (she) will find me time after time if you (she) fall(s) I will catch you (her)--I'll be waiting time after time
And if I claim to be a wise man, well It surely means that I don't know
just decided to come check things out over here on your thread. i am happy for ya doc.
it could very well be that the holidays will be a time when you and the W will experience special gains. I expect it and you should to. keep mixxing things up for her. maybe keep her guessing a little. I am not sure if you are tactically witholding anything at all from her but if so then take an occasional personal risk in your interactions with her of some sort. It usually yields further positives.
THanks Yoyo and Tomato.."I'll be praying for your continued restoration"
I can use them.
Allot of little things are happening. I am growing too. I know I have tried to do things for W and NOT expect things in return but deep down it is hard. No matter` how much your words say you don't expect anything or you have let go of the OM deep down in your sub concuss you do and you have not. But I think there does come a time when all of a sudden you have a revelation and realize you have let go or don't really expect anything. It just happens... I did do some retail therapy and bought myself a Garmin GPS. It has blue tooth so you can answer your cell phone hands free through it. When I got home I could tell wife really liked it. The next day I was on my way to buy a new trailer hitch for my P/U and started thinking about how wife misses phone calls while driving, how she has to grab her ear piece if she does not have it on and how there is a $100.00 fine if you are caught talking on the cell phone while driving. So instead of the trailer hitch I detoured and went to where I bought my Garmin and bought one for W. I have sold most of my wood already this year so I could wait on the hitch. ANYWAY... When I got home I was in my room and wife came in I handed her the box and said here ya go. She said “what’s this?” I said “It’s for you” she said “your kidding you did not have to get me this” I said “I don’t do anything I don’t want to do” and I left the room. She followed me down the hall and when I stopped and turned around she was wiping her eye. Now I don’t know if she was starting to tear up of just has something in it but it did seem like a tear. She then came up to me and gave me a kiss. That’s right SHE gave me a kiss. This is the first one she initiated in a loooong time. I just accepted it and went about my business. I truly was not expecting anything. Then yesterday after she did the laundry she put my clothes away for me. In the past she just left them on my (our) bed. I think I finely understand what loving detachment is. The P.D Xmas party is coming up soon. A while ago I wanted to go by myself and really have a good time. Today I brought home the invite and I did ask W if she wanted to go and she said yes. I don’t know how to describe it but it somehow feels like a first date. I mean a real first date. I think I have found that “leap” that freckles was talking about. How you need to detach before you can try to reconnect again. Am I at the last turn on this journey? I don’t know but stay tuned…..
Doc
And if I claim to be a wise man, well It surely means that I don't know
Remember a long time ago when I suggested that W might be a gifts person (from 5LL)?
"She said “what’s this?” I said “It’s for you” she said “your kidding you did not have to get me this” I said “I don’t do anything I don’t want to do” and I left the room. She followed me down the hall and when I stopped and turned around she was wiping her eye. Now I don’t know if she was starting to tear up of just has something in it but it did seem like a tear. She then came up to me and gave me a kiss. That’s right SHE gave me a kiss. This is the first one she initiated in a loooong time. I just accepted it and went about my business. I truly was not expecting anything."
This REEKS of gifts LL. You gave her a GREAT gift and it mattered a lot to her. Why was it a great gift? NOT because of the cost, but because:
-- you recognized that it was something she would like really took SEEING HER, THINKING about HER, UNDERSTANDING HER
-- it was NOT ABOUT YOU, NOT ABOUT WHAT YOU WANT (recall the rubber duckies)
-- it was not generic but required genuine thought (compare flowers, candy, which are pretty generic, though they are still nice)
-- it was NOT about getting her what YOU think she should want
-- it was a loving gift given for no other reason than it would please W
-- it was a TRUE gift, given from generosity without a second agenda motivating it.
