WAW and I are still sleeping naked in the same bed and will most likely do so right up until the day she moves out. This morning she did not get up as soon as her alarm went off. I said "would you like some?" - which she knows means a spooning cuddle. She said "sure" and we cuddled for a few minutes.
At this point, with the separation a definite thing, is that wrong from dbing point of view? Again, please consider the whole black and white thing. I know it's letting her cake eat, but since we have not ruled out dating etc during separation, I think it's good in some ways to act "normal".
Obviously, I am fully aware that WAW may simply be playing nice leading up to the family vacation at XMAS, and that she may change completely afterward, but I am not going to have a possibility affect my actions now. We both expect real separation in January, but for how long, I don't know.
So..please chime in on the cuddle thing....and on this....what about sex before the separation? We briefly discussed how it would be nice for the memory of our last sex to not be the last time when we were stoned and it wasn't a great idea. Is it ok to have one final "no strings" encounter just in case it is our last time ever?
Once again, you seem to be carefully building and phrasing your entire post to elicit the type of answer you already want to get.
Have you even READ DivorceBusting or Divorce Remedy yet? If you had, you would know that this is INCREDIBLY "pursuing" (or what I would call "needy/grabby"), which only makes a WAS feel pressured and run away even faster.
And yes, you're letting her cake-eat, but then again you already knew that.
Do you *really* think sex with a WAS that is about to move out would have "no strings" attached from an emotional standpoint?
As I see it you are giving her warmth and comfort and support and essentially validating her decision to move out in a few short weeks. Is that really the message you want to send?
If she is moving out in a few weeks then mentally (for you) you should act like she is already gone. Sleeping naked in the same bed w/the woman that is LEAVING YOU is sort of strange, no?
IMO all you are doing is letting her know it is okay. She will get fawned on and coddled until she goes. She feels good about that, do you?
PDT - I don't intentionally phrase or build my posts - at least not consciously
Yes, I have read both. Several times.
What I don't get is how at this point anything can make her run away faster - it's done. She's moving out December 1st and has signed a one year lease. It's all done, but the actual physical move. If you mean, it makes her more sure and makes her want to get out faster, than why does she happily accept the offer?
I might be all wrong here...but in the last 2 weeks while she is here, shouldn't I be giving her something to miss? I know...I know...a confident, decisive man. But in addition to that?
If I am all wrong, please tell me. I obviously really sucked at dbing this time around. Although, I honestly believe there was nothing I could do to prevent the separation this time. WAW was 100% convinced she needed it and that if she stayed it would only be a matter of time before our marriage was 100% done. At least, with time apart, she thinks there is a tiny possibility of reconciliation.
I am fully aware that I am letting her cake eat. I just think it is somewhat necessary to keep things as normal as possible leading to the vacation. Whether it's wrong or right to go at all is immaterial now - we are going and I want to make it as enjoyable as possible for everyone.
The cake eating will stop in January. I promise. I am trying to limit it now.
What about the sex thing? If she initiates? What about cuddling etc, if she initiates?
I really hate to tell you this but most WAS that move out will tell you its the only way to save the marriage. If they stay it will be over but if they move out there is still a chance. Its their way of leaving as the "good person". Hey, look at me, I want this to work out so *I* will leave, aren't I a hero?
Its their easy escape. The tell the LBS what they want to hear to get out. My H told me he knew he owed it to himself and to our marriage to move out so we could date and get some space. Yes, he wanted space - to screw his OW.
Almost a year later my H admitted to me he moved out under totally false pretenses. He said he felt that was the easiest way as he knew moving out would hurt me so he just said he wanted us to date and all that. LOL!
The WAS will say just about anything you want to hear when they move out so they look like the "good guy" that is trying *everything* to work on the marriage. Funny thing is, the things they *should* be trying (counseling, improving communication, setting healthy boundaries) aren't options. Nope, moving out is the *only* way to go.
Why would you want to sleep naked and even contemplate sex with a person who has accused you of rape and sexual abuse?
Change your habits! If you're worried about her missing you... let her start missing you NOW. She's already out the door emotionally. Cut her off completely because you're not doing yourself or her any favors.
With respect to sleeping: Go and sleep somewhere else. Stay away from her. Give her the space she feels she needs. Right now you're clinging to her like a baby. Live up to your nickname and "Be The Man" not the needy boy.
M:11 | T:12 | Status: Married 4C's of WAS communication: Cool, Calm, Collected and CONFIDENT
I am fully aware that I am letting her cake eat. I just think it is somewhat necessary to keep things as normal as possible leading to the vacation. Whether it's wrong or right to go at all is immaterial now - we are going and I want to make it as enjoyable as possible for everyone.
The cake eating will stop in January. I promise. I am trying to limit it now.
So whether it's right or wrong is immaterial now, but you want us to take our valuable time to tell you if it's right or wrong, so you can just go ahead and do what you want to do anyway? Is that about right?
You can do what you want to do (which you're obviously going to do anyway). But if it were me, I'd be spending my last days with my wife trying to display the strongest, most confident, most desirable man I could possibly put forward. Not a weak, "gee-I-need-a-cuddle" guy.
I know you're hurting, BTM, but going all "melty man" on her is NOT going to be effective. It may make YOU feel better, in the SHORT run, but it's NOT the way to conduct yourself moving forward.
Puppy - I actually have been quite strong, confident when around WAW and overall feeling much better. I have seen a difference in how she reacts too. I have not been "melty man" in front of her - this morning's cuddle is the only time I have been that way at all recently - and that's why I came here and noted it.
I'll stop the cuddle stuff - but gotta be honest and say that if she initiates sex, I doubt I am going to be able to turn her down. She's hot!
