A general rule-of-thumb in these talks is "OFFER nothing; EXPECT nothing." Just LISTEN.
For starters (and you're going to have to settle down and control yourself to be able to do this), I would NOT recommend that you be available at his first beckon call. "Gee, today's not good for me -- I've got something I need to do. Tomorrow I got a thing, too. How about Thursday? We could meet for lunch?"
Secondly, when you do talk to him, I'm not sure where you got "reverse psychology" advice from, but it's not from DB/DR. We are supposed to VALIDATE our spouse's feelings, not necessarily always AGREE with them. "I'm sorry you feel that way," or "That must be hard to feel that way," or simply "I hear you." You can also say things like "I agree; this has been hard on BOTH of us." But you should NOT agree with anything that's bullshit.
Thirdly, YOU DO NOT NEED TO AGREE TO ANYTHING in this talk. "Wow; I'm really sorry you feel that way. It sounds like we both have some thinking to do, and some decisions to make. I'm not going to be rushed into this, however -- this is very important, obviously. We'll have to talk further about this."
I'm not familiar with your sitch; have you seen an atty yet?
