Question

[awest1217]

Yeah more texts...I decided to take a bath (although not relaxing because S will NOT give me any alone time. He is so worried and anxious even for a little bit if he can't see me). While in the bath, I hear my phone beep that I have a text. I knew it was from H and said in the bath, "I am not going to respond"...that is not what happened.

Here is what he sent, "hope you are having a good night so far. I'm sorry to keep bothering you, I just wanted to say hi. I'm assuming this is causing too many problems so I will stop. You said the other day we needed to be a united front against my mom, so I'll just txt you if she calls and asks about S. Have a good night."

That right away got me going and because I am weak I asked what that meant (the mom part is that H will tell her no about her taking S somewhere or to do something, and then she will ask me because she does not think we talk and I usually say yes because I did not know H said no. MANIPULATION!) H went on to say how since I did not respond to his previous texts that he thought they were a problem. I said how there was nothign to respond to. He didn't ask a question so nothing to say back, and I said how I had been having rough days. He asked if texting was making things worse and if there was anything he could do to help. I said he could text me, but I may not always respond because I don't know if he wants to chat or not. I said I didn't want to get into anything, but I need to focus on S and myself to make sure we are taken care of. He asked what that meant and is we needed money. He also said that he was planning on going to thanksgiving, if my brother and sister-in-law wouldn't act nasty, and he is planning on staying Thanksgiving night and the next night because of S's surgery. I told him money was tight with extra bills, but things have changed and I need to get used to them. I said all of the stresses are leading to problems and I need to focus on me so I can be the person I need to be. I also said my immediate family will not be there and he needs to get over it because his mom is mean to me and I still go over there. I also told him thank you for thinking of me by offering to spend the night, but it is not going to happen because it is too hard on S. It is either H moves home or he doesn't stay. I said thank you so much for the offer it is very kind. I went on to say how things have changed and I need let the change happen instead of trying to stop it because I can't stop it since it has already happened. He asked what that meant and said that after reading the books he is making some major (to him) changes and he hoped I could tell. he said the changes are making him happy. That he tried to call my brother and sister-in-law to apologize, but they did not answer (they were out of town), but there is no record of him calling. HE said my message sounded like I was giving up on us, and I said what memories I was thinking about and he is different from then, and some things about the future. He said he wants to be a "full time dad". I said that is good to know, but being a full time dad means also being a full time husband. I said overall I need to put our R on the back burner and take care of me because baring all the weight is honestly killing me. I said I love him more than he will ever know and I want our M to work out and become a happy, safe, loving M, but I can't do it by myself anymore. He said ok what do I need to do?

Here are the last two texts I sent which only got an "ok" between them and nothing after the last, although this mornign he sent a text saying good morning and have a good day to which I said thanks but it is not a good day because S is getting sick again and I have not slept well in two days.

Here are the texts...

"I need you to come home nad be my husband. THe type of husband you vowed to be. The type of man where I always feel safe and know that he ialways has me protected. I don't know if you are there yet. I don't want you to come home until you are ready and I want to give you time. I just can't hold us together anymore."

"You can keep texting and calling and doing whatever make you happy (once again I am glad you are happy again)> I am just going to stop texting you to do stuff and stop assuming you will call or have plans together (I.E friday night). You will have to start taking up some of the slack since I cna't anymore. I am scared about thisbecause since I have been holding on for so long, I am scared by letting go, I will lose everything, but I have to take care of myself for S. I have been having horrible stomach pains, plus dizziness, sleeplessness, head aches, and right now a stabbing sore throat. i have to take care of me so I can be the best mom possible and so I can be a good teacher."

I don't know what to do. I am scared, sad, confused...so many other things. I don't know what to do. H seems to be saying he is changing and the texts, show it and he has been being really nice lately and offering sometimes in the last week to help, which sometimes I have taken him up on, but at the same time I don't want to trust him and get hurt again. In the past four days, H has not talked to OW only about 4 times, and text her about the same amount, but I don't know if that is because he is stopping contact or because she has moved in. He called a hotel in Chicago on Saturday, and I don't know if they had a romantic weekend or maybe he is planning something for our anniversary. I am so scared to trust him again and be hurt. I don't know if I should tell him I am scared to trust or not. I don't want to scare him off, but I can't do this anymore. I don't want to get hurt again. I think that is why since the baby steps have started I have felt worse and worse. I am scared. I don't know if I can trust him. I know this is a long one, but any thoughts out there? Should I tell him I notice the changes, but I am scared? Should I leave him alone? Should I tell him exactly my concerns that he is changing, but I don't know if I can believe it will last? Will that just deflate all he is doing?

I need suggestions!