Is this the end of my marriage?

[P17]

P,

You've been given opinions. 2,137 of them, some of them conflicting, which is understandable when you solicit so many.

I do. It's fear I think. Fear that I'm doing the wrong thing. That's what I keep asking for reassurance that I am doing the right thing.

What do YOU think you should do? What feels authentic to you? What do you think gives you the greatest chance of success at reconciliation?
Puppy

I don't know what I should do. I know the only thing I have left to do is NC. There is nothing else left on the table for me as far as I can see. Nothing else I have tried has worked. Everything I am doing now allows my W to pretend that everything is normal, cake eat and shows her that her actions have no consequences.

NC is terrifying me though which is paralyzing me a little bit. These last few days / week where I have decided that this is the course of action I will take has made me feel almost as bad as I did at the start. I am terrified that the woman I still love and who has been my constant companion, friend and lover for the past 7 years will be gone from my life for good. I truly believe that is what will happen - once I go NC I will never hear or see her (other than in passing as this is a small town) again. I have to keep reminding myself that it has only been 2 months since she has left but the fear is crippling me just now.

What gives me the best chance at reconciliation? No idea - if I knew that I'd do it. As I said, I can't see any other option but NC. Nothing else has worked. While contact with D and I continue she is being allowed to cake eat. I can't let that continue.

Yeah. If you want to detach, and not be seen as needy and pursuing... don't drive by her house. Sheesh.

@Arwen_In_NJ: Totally agree with you. However it was 1am here (I'm in the UK) and she was in bed (all lights were off) - not the point I know. I actually feel better knowing the answer to the 'is he still there' question. I have been strong for the last few weeks in not driving past and, when it's been unavoidable (as I have a friend that stays right across the road from her) I have been strong enough not to even look at her house / driveway. I'm not going to beat myself up about driving past there. I had to do it.

"No contact" is going to require self control on your part. You'd better start practicing.

NC is going to require self-control. The only time I've felt good about this situation is the period of around 10 days last month when there was no contact between us. I want to get back to that.

If I could delete the post above about driving past her house, I would. It was a moment of desperation when I posted it.

My plan:

1. Send NC letter.

2. On the same day contact two friends up here and ask to meet with them and just talk to them. Not sure exactly what to say but it will be along the lines of that I love my W, want us to fix the marriage but that OM is still there and that I have to protect D and I. W has to make her own mistakes and I have to let her go and could they look out for her.

3. Same day contact extended family and friend via email / phone / Facebook with a similar message.

4. No further contact from me.

Still looking at doing this next week. My next appointment with IC is 2 December. I will be contacting her today to see if I can get an appointment early next week to help me talk through my fear about doing this.

Sometimes though I think keep contact with D as that is what D wants (even though we all believe it's detrimental to her in the long term). I can also keep contact and show her how I have changed. It would also put a strain on their relationship I would guess, although maybe OM is so laid back her doesn't care. That is just my thoughts sometimes. NC is about me and D though and not her.