Changing Man

[Gardener]

bim,

Gardener,

Just checking in on my buddy to see how you are tonight.

bim

Doing good, thanks. You? Been keeping house spotless yet worked inside and out 7 hrs. tonight for 10+ broker walk-thru tomorrow.. Going to bed after this one and will catch up with all tomorrow evening.

Journaling: Two or three thoughts running through my mind today:

1) STBXW must've bought new TV for new apt. Asked me if I wanted old one. No, thank you since it's the exact same model as the one I own/we used to own. Suggested she might ask my LBS son if he wants it. Son tells me today that STBXW and Stepson went to see son's starring role in musical yesterday. She saw him after performance and still has never inquired at all re: how he's doing re: Sep, being LBS, being served for D, apartment hunting, not seeing son, etc. Nothing!He is so disillusioned, hurt. She didn't even mention TV to him (?)

2)Stepson is not calling me back. As I've journaled before, while in Chicago, I butted in and told STBXW that my S is kinda hurt that after 17 yrs. Stepson/StepMother, she's hanging with StepSon's WAS, lunching, meeting, etc. yet never once called him to see how he's doing. I presented this briefly and gingerly (almost - almost- nervously since when I speak, STBXW hears Demon Talk.) STBXW said at mediator's last week that it came out snotty and curt & stepson felt the same and is angry at me? WTF? Left him VM saying, "I understand you've taken issue with a brief, rather benign exchange Mom & I had in Chicago, Call me. Let's talk." No reply in 5 days.

STBXW's sister told me back in May that STBXW's biggest concern re D was effect it would have on loving, blended family we built and nurtured. Sometimes it seems to me that she's gotten past that conundrum by actively torpedoing some blended family relationships. I know. I'm assuming here. But not exactly pulling it out of whole cloth, either.

3) Speaking of assuming, through reading The Four Agreements I have become increasingly better at "Don't Take Anything Personally" and "Don't Make Any Assumptions". Now, I assume (hehe) that an assumption is a case of a thought process proceeding along the lines of "A happened. A is fact. Therefore I assume B about it".

But what about a gut feeling about something? An intuitive Uh-oh!? A sudden relevatory, "Hey wait a minnit!" Are these assumptions? I don't think so.

And this has been a long, circuitous route of thinking out loud that I, Gardener, without any solid evidence (other than one or two 2+2=5s) suspects he has been compromised on this site by family member(s).
Just a persistent, niggling thought. May explain one or two things. Don't know how to confirm or if it's possible to confirm at all. I just have a strong gut suspicion.

I may have to hash this over with Gima or Gypsy or someone in the alt. If I have been compromised, why am I even tipping my hand, here?

End journaling (and niggling suspicion discussion). Good night, all.