Counseling conundrums

[Bridgestone]

((((bunny)))

I just ask you to contemplate one thing.. can you entertain the possibility that your 'gut' feelings --that he WON'T be violent or manipulative or punitive or abusive or controlling or harrassing-- are messed up?? (because of the years of abuse)

while you are working on what 'normal' feels like... you don't have that figured out quite yet as you are too close to the situation.

Please entertain the possibility that we may be right... he will be any &/or all of those things once he finds out you are leaving/have left...

if you KNEW he could possibly be any one of the above things... what choice would you make about when & how to tell him?? And how to deal with him about the property settlement, alimony etc.

He will NOT change his spots just because you have left... he will ONLY change his spots AFTER getting several months of therapy... maybe you leaving will be the catalyst he needs to do that... or maybe not. You can't control that

I wouldn't tell the kids until you have moved.. I would make sure you tell them specfically why... not the sanitized version either.. they are both old enough to hear the facts of life.

Figure out what you want to say to them, write it out, maybe share it here to get feedback & then practice it.

Their mother won't tolerate being disrespected & treated like you have been by their father... what a powerful lesson to teach your daughter about how she should expect to be treated by future partners in her life.. or how your son should treat your future daughter-in-law.

Please just entertain the possibilty & act as you would advice a friend. Love yourself enough to put yourself, not him, first.

Also.. just because he may not REACT with the initial move out, don't think all is quiet on the western front... based on my experience the physical violence came at times I least expected it... but lots & lots & lots of research shows abused women (& you are an abused woman) are most vulnerable to phsycial assault & injury within the first few days of ending a relationship.

You are in my prayers.
Peace
Bridge