My story begins with a twist...

[TrentC]

Britt

Trent, honestly, just hoping you're doing well.

As I said, just because I'm not posting to your threads does not mean that I'm not reading them.

And for what it's worth, I think you have been getting great advice from everyone and you seem to be doing better. I look forward to hearing the results of your doctor appointment.

[TrentC]

She seems to be trying to get comfortable with sleeping in the same bed with me again. She did on Thursday and Friday nights, but not last night. We'll see about tonight.

She did not. She may be pulling back, which I expected would happen at some point.

[Lucky11too]

I'm still convinced that she is -- or was -- suffering from depression for much of the last year, and she internalizes stuff like nobody's business. One of my 180's has been to be more assertive about not letting her bottle up her feelings with "I'm fine" and "Never mind".

Yes, I've done a lot of research on depression. Women internalize their pain while men externalize it and play the victim. This makes women more quiet or emotional as they punish themself, while men use anger and blame to take it out on those they love. Neither is easy though for the spouse. Luckily for you, women are more likely to get help though too. H unfortunately has been in full blown depressed mood & I'm getting crushed in the middle. Depression sucks...

[chatterbug]

Hi Trent I have not posted here. But I just wanted to say that your are some one who has helped me very much. We don't post on each other threads. But I read what you post. It has helped very much.

Take Care.

[TrentC]

Hi Trent I have not posted here. But I just wanted to say that your are some one who has helped me very much. We don't post on each other threads. But I read what you post. It has helped very much.

I appreciate the kind words.

I'm muddling through this just as much as everyone else, so if any advice I give helps people in their time of crisis, that's reward enough for me.

[PainfulDusk]

Wanted to check in on you Trent. Sounds like she is pulling back a little. Good for you to stay positive and not let it spin you out.

I agree that you need to be cautious about being too compassionate or too understanding, it does happen and is very common. I personally have been guilty of this and can see in my own sitch where it caused dmg. There is a point that it does become desperate and needy. Keep a close eye on that meter and ur W reactions.

Dusk

[TrentC]

Wanted to check in on you Trent. Sounds like she is pulling back a little. Good for you to stay positive and not let it spin you out.

To stay positive, I remind myself of all of the encouraging things that have transpired in the past couple of weeks and remember that she's like a pendulum, swinging back and forth between staying and not staying.

[TrentC]

Apropos of nothing:

I have a friend who I haven't talked to in a couple of years. She called me up about the time that this all started for me, and we've kept in touch for the past couple of months.

She is in the process of getting divorced from her husband. She cites changing priorities in their lives (when they got married, neither of them wanted kids; now she does, but he doesn't), lack of motivation on her husband's part (he's been out of work off and on constantly throughout their marriage) and, finally, the re-appearance of an old flame in her life.

Yeah, she had an affair, and yeah, she's leaving her husband for the other man. I'm not happy about how she went about busting up her marriage. (Neither is she, but she sees no way out at this point.)

Anyway, to make a long story short, she's in court today to get the final ruling on her divorce decree; as of today, she will be divorced.

So I'm sending her my most positive thoughts and prayers. I hope that she figures out what she really wants in her life, whether it's with her STBXH or the other man.

[TrentC]

Not much to update here. Mostly journaling.

Things seem to be coming along slowly. She has gone back to her bedroom again; when it came up in conversation, she said it feels like there are "strings attached" to sleeping next to me. I told her I understood how she might feel that way but that it was unwarranted, and left it at that.

She now initiates some physical affection -- she came up to me while I was cooking dinner and put her arm around me -- and the past couple of days I've ended up with her on her bed. (Basically, I go to wake her up in the morning; she rolls over on her side and kinda pulls my arm around her, and I lay down next to her for a few minutes. This morning, we both feel asleep again for about half an hour and I was almost late for work. I wonder what would happen on a weekend...)

The last time she initiated any kind of R talk was spur-of-the-moment. I was headed to bed, I gave her a quick kiss and she started to say something. I asked her what it was and she said "nothing". Well, I don't play that game any more, so I asked her to tell me. She said, "I wish this was different". (I presume she refers to "not feeling anything" right now.) I said "I wish this was different, too" and went to bed.

She's not back to work full-time yet; she gets tired after lunch and her supervisor sends her home. Once we're through the holidays and she's feeling up to full speed again, I may consider discussing going to a joint MC. (Unless she brings it up first, of course...)

[motherof3]

Sounds like you are doing well. You are a DB pro.