Not Me...Ever part 2

[Puppy Dog Tails]

Kooties? WHO'S got kooties? Coach? Me? Wha-- ???

[Serenity13]

Kooties? Kudos? Same thing Puppy?

You have no kooties as far as I am concerned.

You are the best kind of Puppy to have around. (((Hugs)))

[Puppy Dog Tails]

Oh, and I'm VERY well trained.

[Serenity13]

BIM ~

Thank you for this - It means alot to me that anything I say can help someone else somehow, someway.

I feel better today then I did last week.

I try very hard to wake up in a positive mood & say my prayers before I start my day (some days are better then others)...

It has taken me a long time to get to this place -

The road is bumpy and painful and dark at times however looking back, I wouldn't change a thing.

Every experience on this journey has given me a chance to become a stronger, better, more faithful woman...

I made the choices, I did the work, I sought out advice (and finally applied it), I received additional IC, I took additional meds, I walked, I cried, I screamed, I cut (not ashamed though not proud), I prayed...

I could have folded and just let it overtake me but I chose to rise above it...

To become a better woman -

Not for H -

For me -

For my boys.

Your post earlier today about being stronger and holding on for what God has in store for you is so inspiring. You sound so much better than just a couple of weeks ago. Just goes to show that pain is temporary, no matter what we are going through. AND that if you look up, answers are just waiting on us, all we have to do is listen.

[Serenity13]

Puppy ~

For some reason that cracks me up everytime...

[Serenity13]

Puppy ~

If you have a chance can you look over Stickman's thread and give him some advice - The thing with the kids being separated bothers me...I think he is lost in his own emotions and isn't thinking to clearly right now.

Thank you

[Serenity13]

Journaling~

Woke up this morning and wasn't feeling very serene.

Spent about an hour and a half on the phone last night with my MIL and she gave me some things to think about.

She doesn't know if my H can admit his faults because all he has ever done from day one when the going gets rough is run.

She is thankful to God every night of the love that I have for him and that I am willing to stand back and allow him to self-destruct.

All good and well however the questions I have within myself -

What kind of woman am I?

A part of me feels I should have more self-respect and should cut my losses -

Find someone who is worthy of my love because he sure isn't at this point in time.

I have based everything on a feeling I can't shake no matter how hard I try -

A feeling that no matter what happens, our marriage will survive this and become a better, stronger, more loving marriage.

That is the feeling I had as he sat in our garage so many months ago and admitted he had cheated.

I always thought if he cheated, I would be outta there yet here I am, trying to improve my self, learning new things about me.

I am strong enough to survive on my own, I don't need him in my life to be whole.

His actions have been ugly at best and I still want to make this work so what does that say about me?

I have searched within to make sure it isn't fear keeping me wanting to work on our marriage.

So what is it?

What makes a normal, sane woman want to hold onto something, that was once so secure and beautiful but that has now turned vile and hateful.

What turns a strong, ethical, moral, resposible man into a weak, selfish, morally bankrupt shell of his former self?

A man who used to care about his children however would now rather spend his days off trolling on FB.

He doesn't spend any time with them, doesn't call, doesn't check on them - What happened to him and why do I even care?

So again - What kind of woman have I become?

[rockedworld]

Oh (((((Serenity)))))...

such good questions!
You are hitting a nerve with me today.

What is that fine line between being a strong, self-respecting woman and a woman who is committed and faithful and willing to stand firm in the face of adversity to save her M?

I don't know either... am struggling with similar questions.

Wish I had answers for both you and me, but maybe it helps a bit to know you are not alone in your questions...

thinking of you today....

[Serenity13]

(((Rocked)))

It sucks...

I awoke with such a feeling of despair and I can't shake it.

The fine line I walk is usually ok with me however I have people telling me that it is over, to let go of him and move on and besides the people here on this board, I have 2 supporters IRL that are actually on my side (my MIL and my Pastor).

My support system is small to say the least - Most days I am just an idiot or I am stupid or a dumbass for even taking this stand much less believing he will come home.

And usually I can overlook it, however today doesn't seem to be one of those days.

[Deep]

What does that make you Serenity? Among other things a risk-taker, to be frank. A patient, forgiving, generous person who thinks that there may just be a chance H is not this ugly version he has become and may one day re-discover his true core. And who cares enough that she wants that to happen for him if at all possible, and to be with him if it does.

Not that it will devastate her if it doesn't, mind you.

A woman who is digging deep for the strength to deal with what it means "for better or worse".

You're a good person, don't lose sight of that no matter the outcome