Don't think I posted before, only cause I don't follow many threads these days. Just saw yours and I gotta tell ya - you seem to have your head in about as good a place as anyone I've run into ... all things MLC considered.
Kudos for your priorities as I see them in the recent posts. Kids - Boundaries - attention to Faith/Hope - attention to domicile/self
It is all too familiar a path, but one worth the journey we become forced to travel.
Another new rule I did not always follow in life, but tried to improve on with my sons "if you don't have anything good to say ..."
I don't trash their mom. The fact that I also don't mention her at all may be another matter. Still, when my 22yr son had a hard breakup last year we talked at length about many things, lessons learned, meaning of life, Jack Daniels ... I implored that he not trash his exGF to his friends. Bridges get burned. That includes people's impression of you and the road you take.
I hope you find good company on the High Road, and set good examples for those forced to take the journey.
AYK – I’ve been reading along and can see you are making good progress in your state of mind. You are letting things go and leaving her alone, concentrating on you and your time with the children and identifying things about yourself that you need to work on so you can have a more emotionally mature and healthy life as you go forward.
I would really recommend you read up on Co-Dependency. Symptoms of codependence include controlling behavior, avoidance of feelings, problems with intimacy and excessive caretaking. A tendency to place the needs and wants of others first and to the exclusion of acknowledging your own • continued investment of self-esteem in the ability to control both oneself and others • anxiety and boundary distortions relating to intimacy and separation • difficulty expressing feelings • excessive worry how others may respond to one's feelings • undue fear of being hurt and/or rejected by others • self-esteem dependent on approval by others
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Guys I've spoiled this woman since I've met her. She gave me an STD, loved her, i put up with her mother, loved her, I loved her when she weighed over 200lbs and I loved her when she weighed 130 lbs. This is so frustrating, because no I wasn't perfect, but I didn't have an affair, I never won a fight, cause I never put up one. I paid for everything. This really is so not rite. Hell she loves Ozzy, I got her back stage to meet Ozzy. I know it's all about her, but she really isn't being fair.
It’s not about her being fair or not. You made the decisions to treat your wife the way you have. You made the decision to live through the STD episode, the overweight episode etc etc … you made those decisions about the way you behaved. That’s over to you, not your wife.
As you mature as a man you might reflect on these things and ask yourself was it “fair” of you to enable her behaviour that led to you getting an STD? That’s not necessarily healthy my friend.
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I love her more than she does herself and I love my family more than I do myself.
So right here we have a problem. This is a co-dependency redlight. If you love your wife and your family more than you love yourself … you got some work to do. You need to be a healthy man before you can provide love and devotion to your family. How you love and respect yourself is directly related to how you love and respect others. The more you love and respect yourself, the more able you are to truly love and support your wife and family. You need to get right with you first.
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I texted and called D 12 times this wkend, nothing back.
Texting or calling your daughter 12 times in 2 days is compulsive at best and harassment at worst. Call her once. She’ll call you back when she’s ready.
V
Never make someone a priority, who makes you an option.
mlc has called me, texted, emailed and met me in drive way today.
The convo started nice on phone, both times she asked what I was doing.
"I'd appreciate it if you'd keep me up to speed with the kids and how they're going to get to your house."
I'm on the fence on that, asked D to text for me. Until I hear from you guys.
Now I've been avoiding all contact with her and haven't answered an email or a text except for today.
I didn't kiss, but NO R talk, had to text back and forth S rode the bus vs walking here, so we texted until we found him.We found him texted her to have a good night.
When I picked up kids she gave me cookies, I thanked her and she gave me a thumbs up. I pulled the trash can out back and hung a broom up, she saw me do that, she used to love how i would organize a pile. she followed the kids outside and i said kids be sure to hug and kiss your mom.
Now I've always been that way, but I kept my distance from her, I didn't approach her, I let her approach me.
She came over today twice to drop something off to kids.
I just hope her seeing a happy nice guy helps her change her mind and I really didn't do anything that I didn't do when she loved me.
Noticed in proverbs that to rebuke gives you favor. I don't think I've subliminally set any boundaries I just haven't done anything to really get me hammered.
She is making a mistake ringing that Divorce Bell,
AYK - stop worrying about her mistakes - there is nothing you can do about them. Focus instead on controlling what you can ... loving your kids, detaching from your wife and getting a life .... 'K?
V
Never make someone a priority, who makes you an option.
Emailed atty, asked for recommendation to take kids of seperation for therapy and asked her to handle it with wife's atty vs me having to go to wife.
Both kids last nite at dinner table are frustrated with us not all being together.
All they have is me to vent to or me to vent to them, I've made a couple mistakes, with a couple comments, like hey this isn't my doing we're going to make the best of it, complain to your mom not me. We love her enough we have to give her time and patience to figure things out for her own guys, faith, hope and love and we only control ourselves.
Have not told them wife has filed, still calling it an adventure, etc.
