Puppy First, thanks for the advice--I was so fixated on my belief that the only way he will come back to the marriage is if he realizes his children want our family back so much that I really didnt think it through. No it is not working because-- he doesnt text me back and it is actually the opposite of having him see kids are still very angry. It is so clear when someone else points it out.
I just realized that I am in a very bad bad way. THe C with the DB C on Friday along with H and my conversation during the 1 1/2 hour car ride made me realize I am so far away from detachment. And he is totally checked out of the marriage, I have to accept he is not attracted to me at this point at all. He is addicted to her. I guess I could understand it if she was this hot mama, young thing, even a very sexy 53 year old but she is ugly. THat makes it even more difficult on my self esteem.The last 3 days I hurt so much I feel like a heart attack victim. I cant seem to stop the constant thoughts about him, wanting my life back, why cant he feel anything for me. Is this normal to take so many steps backward. Today I drove by his apartment (I know, I know) after their work day and her car is there--Monday nite is their little evening together it appears. I cant deal with the fact I can spend a nice dinner with him and our son, look as lovely as I can and all he wants is her. I know I should GAL but I dont want to--went to a casino night at our church--all couples and felt worse. I dont have any single friends. Have to summon up my courage to go to a social event for a divorce support group. The though of walking into a bar or restaurant alone to meet new people is scary.
Saffie--thank you for continuing to post. My daughter says telling OW family would be mean. She says our holidays are ruined and why ruin theirs over their mothers/wifes infidelity. Telling her family might actually result in her H leaving, moving out or her moving out so my H and she would have even more access. This isnt about her family being able to stop her anymore than my kids feelings/anger have changed my H's heart. They have a timetable and it might get sped up but not derailed AND I dont want this to go any faster. Especially since I am not dealing with it very well.
There is no way she is not invested in this relationship. My H said during C that he promised her by such and such a date he would move out, leave me, get a divorce--he kinda admitted this in a round about way in C session. Since that time he no longer says there is a chance for us or that he has no plan and he keeps talkin about being honest with kids. Her calm, cool, no anger, no pressure technique is exactly the right way to woo my H--just be happy and fun around him--no worries and dont even discuss what reaction your family/kids would have as that is too negative for him to deal with. Interesting aside here, one of my gf played devil's advocate and said to me; What if she really is like that--laid back, happy all the time, no stress-maybe that is her true personality all along. And, I have had to work like crazy this last year to come close to that?
GOsh, I feel so hopeless now. If after one year of 180 behavior changes and not showing anger/losing my temper for 7-8 months--while he still was in the house--do you think there is any chance he could give her up? Shouldnt the endorphin/love rush be wearing off?
