I'm taking a poll......

[andrea]

Married for 12 years when the first bomb dropped... (september 2001)... separate for 4 months... reconciliation on january 2002... another bomb on august 2002... this time he didnt left home... on March 2003 i asked him to leave home after finding he was getting out with some ladies... He left home... On june 15 we reconciliated again, and this time he had accepted his guilty, his crisis and is showing me too much interest and work for having a better R and M

[Hud]

This is a response from "the other side" - b/c I didn't make it to piecing as I had hoped - W filed for D last week; this after bomb was dropped on 1/5/03 - and I moved out for 6 mos after that for us BOTH to work on our M and ourselves. One of us did, one of us didn't.

If anybody can tell me where I went wrong, please pile on at my thread.

Hud

[mockers2]

Hi Cupcake ~

Together 11 yrs, married for 5 yrs when bomb dropped in January 2003 (2 weeks before our 5th anniversary ). Separated since 2/03. Began to DB 4/03, the same month I learned of H's R w/OP. Noticed small baby steps 5/03, then more baby steps 6/03. Started my thread "Very cautiously optimistic" in 6/03. H left to work out of town for three months 7/03. To return and live with us (I hope - he's giving up "other" house 11/03) next week. Hang in there. ((((Cupcake))))) and from reading the above post ((((Hud)))).

[mike101]

Hi

M. 20 mo
S. 5 mo
Found DB immediatly after S. Just now, as of Sunday starting to look up.

Mike

[sage]

Married 7 years at time of bomb-droppage (11/1/02) -- I had started suspecting h of an EA 5 months before that (5/1/02).

Never separated (knock wood).

Found DB'ing ~1 month after bomb but had actually been implementing some of the techniques w/o knowing it.

Saw some teeny babysteps within a month. Noticed bigger babysteps over next 4 months. Found a direct correlation between how WELL I was able to control MY STUFF and the babysteps. Had my first real unconscious feeling of "I think we'll be OK" about 8 months into DB'ing.

One thing to note is that it's truly not a straight shot...you'll have the proverbial rollercoaster ride for sure...some of that WILL be in your control and some of it likely won't be (but that's OK). Backslides at the 1 month mark, 4.5 month mark and 6 month mark (I'm talking big backslides on my part) were tough for me to handle but the recovery period got shorter and shorter the further into DB'ing I was.

Sage

[KAW]

Been a while since I did a recap ... let's see ...

M - 11/03/1984

Mid-Nov, '01 ... LYBNILWY & EA w/OM bomb, CAW felt M was over. "Convinced" her we should try to make it work.

Jan. '01 ... D17 moved out the house after a big blow-up over curfew. CAW tells me she is mad at D17 not me for what transpired. Two week later moved out for a week, came back home.

Mid-Feb, '02 ... "I slept w/ OM & want D" bomb and did blame me for D17 moving out!

Mar thru May, '02 ... wants S and works towards moving out.

Mid-May ... I bought & read DR, started lurking on bb. Discovered I already started on my own to work on my PMA & do 180's and learned the hard way to give her space. Started doing more of what works.

June, '02 ... CAW & OM break it off, no longer wants to move out and wants to work on M this time.

Following week, started my first thread and it was here on "Piecing" ... and been piecing ever since ...

'til later,
KAW

[optimist]

M 12 years (though we separated 1 month before our 12th anniversary)
S 5 mo
T now nearly 2 months. Totally agree with the 1 mo backslide thing. READ SAGE's threads!!! Saves you a lot of thinking

[Cupcake]

thanks opt - I will print out Sage's threads and read at home.

I wonder if we work in same area? me, downtown Big D.

[haphazard]

married 12 years, together 14. H dropped bomb April 03 back home by July. Miserable for at least 5 years before bomb.

Can I add another question to the poll? For those with kids how old were kids when first bomb dropped?

Fran

[Cupcake]

I'll be the first to answer your question, Hap.

Married 14, together 15, bomb dropped July 4, 2003. H moved out July 23, 2003. so S now a little over 2 months

Kids are: s13 and d8.