Also, if you do get a rec from another medical care provider you see and you call for an appt. and there are not any immediate openings call the dr. back who made the rec and ask if they can do anything to get you in sooner.
Your GYN would be a great resource as they are used to dealing with depression issues in women after childbirth and usually have a wide network of resources and colleagues to refer you to.
Hey, so ya I am from Canada so its all good. I'll go to the walk in clinic and the worst that will happen is they will refer me to a psych doctor for the proper meds, then I will have to wait to get in with them. But I have a good feeling they can help me.
Puppy, no I had to wait until H had the kids, I can't take them to the walk in clinics here, sometimes you have to wait an hour or two to get in, much too long for two little kids. H takes the kids tomorrow, so I'm going tomorrow afternoon.
As for an update on my sitch, H text me yesterday morning apologizing for getting called into work as he was supposed to have the morning with the kids. I didn't reply. He then text me again while at work saying he wasn't going to be able to swing by (he mentioned that he would before he went to his "real" shift) but he got stuck late at the "fill-in" shift. I didn't reply again. Then at about 8pm last night he calls. When he calls from work it is "private name", I only answered it cause I thought it was a girlfriend who is unlisted so it comes up as the same. But no, it was him. Darn! Anyways, he really didn't have much to say. He discussed his shift that day, I didn't really give him the time of day. Then he went on to talk about S3 at skating yesterday....(like we already discussed that yesterday..seriously?) Then I started to cut him off saying I needed to put S1 to bed and he interrupted and asked what we're doing with the kids for the weekend. Its MONDAY! Do we really need to be discussing that today? I quickly gave him a run through of the pick up and drop off. He then went into next week. Finally, I had enough, and I said " Do we really need to be talking about next week today? It's over a week away!" He agreed and said okay, I'll just talk to you wed. then. And we said our goodbyes.
I don't know. I just can't hang up on him. I accidentally answered not knowing it was him. I tried to cut him off TWICE! He just seems to be calling for no reason at all! Anything that we talked about last night really did not need to be discussed! We have 4 days till the weekend. Its almost like he was looking for excuses to call. I dunno. The point is, I don't really know what the DB'ing way to handle this is. I have read DB but not DR yet and I feel like I'm not quite skilled enough to handle this? Help please!
M: 31 H: 29 Married: 6 yrs Children : 7yr old, 5yr old, 2yr old
Separated: Sept. '09 Moved Back In for wrong reasons: Nov. 30, 09 Recomitted to our Marriage: Jan. 25, 10 Threatening to leave again: July,14
Its almost like he was looking for excuses to call. I dunno. The point is, I don't really know what the DB'ing way to handle this is. I have read DB but not DR yet and I feel like I'm not quite skilled enough to handle this? Help please!
Yes, you DO know. You're just not DOING it.
You should have responded to his first text, as it was about pick-up/drop-off -- about the kids. Those should always be responded to. Had you done that, it's likely that none of the ensuing drama would have ensued.
The second text should have also been replied to, as it was also about logistics. A simple "OK, thanks" would suffice.
C'mon, you're making this way more difficult than it is.
Sorry, I guess I forgot you are not in the US and operate under socialized medicine.
If you didn't know who was calling why not let it go to voice mail? If it was your GF you could have called her back and if it was your H, well, then you avoided a "no reason" call.
I don't suggest just hanging up on him but if he continues to babble on simply tell him you need to go and that is that. That is a boundary. As for his questions about the weekend and next week you could just say that you have a very busy week planned and thus far have not thought much about the weekend and you will have to discuss it another time.
Okay, so I didn't give the whole story. After the first text I was in the middle of texting back "no problem", but he called me before I had a chance. I was late picking the kids up from the dayhome and the provider called H, so he called me to see where I was. In that conversation he mentioned coming over inbetween shifts to see the boys. Then after his shift went late he text that he was still there. I didn't really feel like there was anything for me to say? Why can't I get this right? Some texts need to be addressed and some don't. I really can't figure out which is which! Did I mess up with the whole texting thing then? One was just an apology, and the other was just letting me know he's late at work. I dunno. I honestly DON"T know Puppy, or I wouldn't be asking for help. Thanks for the feedback though.
Citygirl, I pretty much did that. When he continued to babble, I finally told him it did not have to be discussed already, and ended the conversation. I guess I just have a hard time cutting the conversation off so abrubtly. I feel rude. I'm not a rude person.
M: 31 H: 29 Married: 6 yrs Children : 7yr old, 5yr old, 2yr old
Separated: Sept. '09 Moved Back In for wrong reasons: Nov. 30, 09 Recomitted to our Marriage: Jan. 25, 10 Threatening to leave again: July,14
If they have to do with the kids or family logistics, answer immediately, but without drama or any add'l detail.
"OK, thanks -- I'll come pick them up now." "OK, got it." "Thanks for letting me know; we'll talk more later."
If they have to do with your relationship, your marriage, legal, or simply if they don't have to do with much of ANYTHING AT ALL, you are under no obligation to reply. You can either ignore them entirely, or -- what I prefer -- that you randomly answer every 3rd or 4th one with a chirpy "Sorry, just saw this -- yeah, that's a hoot." or some such. It shows more confidence.
Setting a boundary is not being rude. Nobody proclaimed you a rude person. I hate to say this but I get the vibe that you sort of thrive on this drama with your H.
If the text is about the kids and not some other nonsense then by all means reply. Let ALL his calls go to voice mail. If the message is about the kids then call/text back. If its not then ignore for a while.
You seem to bypass the reality of it all - HE LEFT YOU therefore you will no longer be there to take his calls and listen to him talk about his day. That is a perk of marriage and he opted out.
I say this with a gentle tone but don't get wrapped up in a power struggle with your H. My H and I did that for YEARS and it will lead to nowhere but the demise of your marriage.
Puppy, Thanks for pointing all that out. I get it now. I will work on that.
Citygirl, you may be right. I may thrive on it. I guess it gives me a sense of hope. The feeling that he is talking to me when a few weeks ago there was no such thing. I guess as much as I feel like I'm on the right track, it may just be because he is trying to make all this contact with me. If he wasn't trying to contact me at all, I am the first one to bet I wouldn't be doing as good as I am now. I recognize it. I'm going to give myself a little bit of props as at least I'm not oblivious and naive to all this. It has been two phone calls in 5 days now where he called just to talk. Time to cut those off. You're right, marriage is a package deal, I can't give him a little bit. That's what HE thrives on right now. Is that little bit of contact with me.
The power struggle is a good point. It may be that on my end from time to time. Maybe on his as well, that's why he continues to give me mixed signals, he feels like he can. Why? Because i let him. Then I fight to get that power back. It doesn't always work, but it has lately, and maybe that's why I feel so in control right now. But its not going to get me anywhere.
My meeting with the MC yesterday went well. I feel like I'm doing much better than last week. I haven't been sitting by the phone, I set a boundary last week, I haven't been at his beck and call, and I have been doing great GAL'ing. MC picked up on it all and said he sees a lot of progress in me even from our meeting last week. Makes me feel good about myself. He said he noticed that I'm starting to recognize issues in my M, and issues with H where as the past sessions I seemed to be so entangled in the moment that I was oblivious. So I feel good about myself.
My parents are coming to visit this weekend, so I'm excited to have some company! Going to look forward to that for now...and my doc appt....
Last edited by britt54; 11/17/0906:37 PM.
M: 31 H: 29 Married: 6 yrs Children : 7yr old, 5yr old, 2yr old
Separated: Sept. '09 Moved Back In for wrong reasons: Nov. 30, 09 Recomitted to our Marriage: Jan. 25, 10 Threatening to leave again: July,14
Um, just a question. My sitch started out really bad, then once I started DB'ing it got better and better, and almost to the point of "R". Then he took some steps back, which was fine I was told to expect that. Then we had a bad night, I felt like he was testing me and I behaved poorly and so did he. For anyone following my thread you know which night that was. And he has now been dealing with the repercussions all week from people at work. Just wondering if anyone has seen something like this before and the marriage has still survived.
I'm just concerned as he told me afterward that we were on the right track and he saw change in me and now he doesn't after that night. Can one night really damage us? I guess it depends on the person, and when it comes to my H, you never know what will happen.
M: 31 H: 29 Married: 6 yrs Children : 7yr old, 5yr old, 2yr old
Separated: Sept. '09 Moved Back In for wrong reasons: Nov. 30, 09 Recomitted to our Marriage: Jan. 25, 10 Threatening to leave again: July,14
