Is this the end of my marriage?

[P17]

No contact is to the point. Carrot and stick.

I don't think I understood when the carrot and stick was to be used though. Was it just for when W talks to me? Surely the point of no contact is that she WON'T speak to me or will speak to me through IM.

Now exposure. To the family and personal friends. What are you going to say?

You know what, I haven't got a clue. Most family and friends know about it. The problem is that all know nonsense. Her family are pretty entrenched against me from what I understand so I think it would actually be of detriment to me AND them if I contacted them. I was going to work on extended family (it's a big family but close) and friends. Was thinking of contacting her best friend who was always praising me to W (you have a good man there, you and P are very lucky etc.). I know that she will report everything I say to her back to W but that could be used to my advantage - she is a nice girl and would probably listen to me.

What to say .. not sure. I was just going to be loving, supportive and caring ...

Friends. Friends have to be really close. They also need to know that you do not want to have them in the middle. That you are asking them to help you through this difficult time. Set some boundaries here. If you know they are supporting the affair then are they really your friend?

Do they have any choice though? We have no mutual friends. She has her's, I have mine.

She will come at you that night. She will call you over and over , text you and email you. She will push to see if you can be broken. She will be confused by your work that day. Since you have shown everyone love for your wife and to her you show detachment, carrot and stick.

No she won't. She will not say a thing about it. That I guarantee you. I already contacted one of OM's friends to let them know what he was doing and I heard nothing about that.

Then she is going to get nasty. Real nasty. And she is going to be very vile to close friends.

She's not. She will say nothing to me and just get on with her life.

What you need to do is keep with the " When you love someone as much as WAS you let them go experience their mistakes. That you had a choice of anger and bitterness or healing and you picked healing. That you hope one day your wife will heal as well. And that since you can no longer be there for them that you would hope your friend would off support. " Along those lines. You will be saying this a ton of times to friends when they ask away over the next few weeks.

Nobody. And I mean NOBODY has asked me yet what happened. Nobody either cares or are too embarassed to ask. I was in the supermarket where she works tonight and while I got a hello from one member of her staff, another DELIBERATELY looked away as I walked past! This is what people do ... they ignore. Nobody wants to know.

And always change the topic back to their lives and stuff going on in their world. It is a subtle action that people will pick up. You are not being selfish. You are caring. You are strong and have taken a strong moral stand. You realize that life is not just about you.

I can do that, if asked.

This will be noticed. And it will be opposite of WAS's communicaitons with people. She will be all about her choices in life, how horrible you have been, how she is entitled to her 'true love in life' .... IT will be all her , her , her.
This is a very effective weapon for you to wield. But use it wisely.

The impression I get (and I have no evidence just putting 2 and 2 together) is that people have already started to realise her cr*p was just that. There is dissent in the W camp and I think it will quickly spread. The sun no longer shines from her backside.

This could be one of the reason people avoid my view in the shop now - they are embarrassed for what she has done to me and they are embarrassed that maybe they supported her and her stories for such a long time. Maybe not. I don't know.

D said tonight that anybody who is not a friend of Daddy is not a friend of hers! She did say she would be sad if she didn't see W again though but this can't go on forever.