Thanks so much Serenity!You have given me a good chuckle for the evening... picturing our friend Puppy as a mix between an adorable yellow lab and Yoda...haha
And telling us all repeatedly, "There is no try. There is only do. "
Gardener
"My soul, be satisfied with flowers, With fruit, with weeds even; but gather them In the one garden you may call your own." Cyrano deBergerac
Thank you for your kind words on my thread. I see in our timelines, that we are not to far off. My bomb was in May as well as the dreaded ILYBINILWY - The EA started in Feb.
Originally Posted By: rockedworld
I have needed to take time off work to cope
I took 1 week off of work when it started, then proceeded to quit my job...I just needed some changes all the way around, I am now back at my old job and settling into a routine. If you haven't taken the time to cope, do so - You need to do this.
Originally Posted By: rockedworld
I need to set small goals for myself to get through the day
Here I started with just getting out of bed. I will admit in the beginning, it was so hard and I was at times suicidal even with ADs'...
The day he walked out, I fell apart - I was absolutely devastated and that was the closest I came to allowing him to break me to the point that I would never have recovered.
I posted what had happened here and then went offline to make some decisions...
When I came back online, I was ready to be done with it all and I give my thanks always to Puppy for talking me out of a very black hole...
He stayed here with me, talked me down, was a friend when I needed someone - More then I had ever needed anyone.
If you go back to my original thread, you would see that Puppy and I butted heads in the beginning. He was well ahead of me in the game, gave advice I wouldn't follow, gave 2x4's that I ignored, was not so nice at times however he never left my thread...
He has seen me broken completely, at a place where I didn't want to face another day and once I reached that stage, it was him who came by with his light and helped me back to my feet...
Because of him and quite a few others, is the reason I still believe that no matter what, each and every person is in your life for a reason.
He could have walked on, to someone else who would listen to his well meaning advice but he didn't - He still checked on me every day and I thank God for that every night when I hit my knees...
In order to be where I am today, I had to go through all of that mess however what I have learned is so much sweeter then I could have imagined.
I have learned that strength, patience, inner peace and happiness all come from me and nobody else.
I have learned that I only have control over myself.
I have learned to put my faith in God and God alone.
I have learned that even if you don't ever meet in person, you can have friends that mean the world to you.
I have learned that we are all chosen for this journey for a reason and while it may be hard at times, give Thanks for it and the reward in the end (no matter what it may be) will be worth it.
I have also learned my posts are long and my reponses are longer lol.
((((Hugs))))
May All Who Seek To Take My Life Be Put To Shame And Confusion; May All Who Desire My Ruin Be Turned Back In Disgrace. ~Psalm 40:14~
(((Serenity)))) I, for one, love your long posts, so keep em coming!
Right now, for me, this feels like the blackest time so far in all this with bomb2 having so recently been dropped. I have had some rough days. I am so thankful I have my kids or I'm not sure what I would have done. And I am so thankful for this community.
Today... the anger is still coming up, as it has been the last few days. I know that the anger is healthy and it will eventually help me with setting boundaries and getting stronger.
But... I need some input from you wonderful folks out there about what I FEEL like doing vs. what I SHOULD be doing...
I want revenge! No, that's not true, I want justice!
I know what has been said about the OW being dysfuncitional and not worth my time etc. I am kinda past the fantasies about what I would like to say to her directly (although it still feels good to allow that fantasy every so often). But, it has more to do with exposure.
Puppy, I know when bomb2 first dropped, you said we would talk about exposre later when my emotions settled somewhat. Do you think I am ready to talk about that?
I am really pissed off that this is remaining all hush hush because my H is so worried about his job.
Here is the sitch (I hope it makes sense, it's a bit complicated) My H and OW both have full time jobs in two different companies. However, OW does some part time work for H's company "on the side" which her company supports because it is for a "good cause". She is not required to do this part time work by anyone... it is her own choice. But, my H "indirectly" "oversees" the part time work she does. I have talked with my H if he would be considered her supervisor and that this would be unethical but he tells me it is a "gray" area and there isn't really any direct supervision. However, if there ever was a concern about the part time work she does it would be my H who that the concern would come to. (?) In other words, it is still unethical that she remains doing that part time work there. I have considered exposure at her full time place of employment because they support this part time work of hers as they feel it is a positive reflection on thier reputation as a company. I have already exposed the affair to my H's direct supervisor. H was/is furious with me about that and I don't care. My H is in a position of authority and she was doing this work "indirectly" "under" that authority. so, I did already take a step of exposure without your guidance Puppy... I hope it was the right decision.
Not sure where else to go from here. Taking the time off work for self care and basic survival at this point. But getting stronger.
I will let you in on a little secret - I haven't even hit anger stage yet. I have had a few close calls however I don't feel angry...Even when I was searching for it and trying to force it, I couldn't get mad - I am sure eventually it will come but right at this moment I am content.
I still have very dark days but none so dark as before...
I know you have heard it before but time really will help - I didn't believe it, I thought I was then destined to live barely breathing, crying all the time, never eating etc...
But in time with the people I met here, my circle of supporters, my boys and the Grace of God, I know in my heart I will be ok no matter what.
I will leave the rest of your post for Puppy to take care of.
(((Hugs)))
May All Who Seek To Take My Life Be Put To Shame And Confusion; May All Who Desire My Ruin Be Turned Back In Disgrace. ~Psalm 40:14~
Puppy, I know when bomb2 first dropped, you said we would talk about exposre later when my emotions settled somewhat. Do you think I am ready to talk about that?
Doesn't sound like it:
Quote:
I want revenge! No, that's not true, I want justice!
Puppy, I know when bomb2 first dropped, you said we would talk about exposre later when my emotions settled somewhat. Do you think I am ready to talk about that?
Doesn't sound like it:
Quote:
I want revenge! No, that's not true, I want justice!
I remember that line now.... hahaha...That is perfect!
