Since I'm pretty confident that I'll be divorced in the next 3 months or so. Is there anyone who found out their WAS regretted divorcing months/years afterwards? Trust me, I'm not waiting around or living for that day; but deep inside I'd love to have that day come.
Kinda like "I tried my ass off to save it back then, but you wanted no part of it!"
I often wonder the same thing and have done some searches on that topic. It seems that quite often the WAS does indeed feel regret/remorse. Especially in cases where there was no abuse or addiction. I am sorry I do not have all my sources handy, but I have come across articles that suggest around 14% of divorced couples actually get re-married.
Like you, not that I am holding my breath, but such an admission would be welcome.
Me: 48 Ex-W: 45 M: Nov '96, together since Oct 93 Bomb: on 10-yr anni - Nov '06 OM Separated: mid-Feb '07 Divorced mid-July '08 One daughter - 28 XW living w/OM
I filed and regret it. Unfortunately my husband was angry/shut down/disconnected/vengeful/done/tired/hired a sleazy lawyer/unhappy/distressed/hopeless and continued.
I'm curious about the 14% of couples who remarry. I wonder how that works if one partner actively wants to transform the relationship.
there are longish term studies that show that people in unhappy marriages who divorce do NOT become happier. That's a different step, huh?
Me 47 H 48 C G15, G12, B8 Married 21 years Separated or D- 11/09 (do semantics really matter??) Moving out 11/09
Seems unlikely in my case, my H wouldn't admit that he'd made a mistake even if he realised it. Which means we could both go on to meet new partners (he already has) and be reasonably happy although without the whole family together can you really be 100% happy? I don't think so and strangely when he left my H said exactly that, that he'd never be totally happy without the family together, so why leave? Only he knows the answer to that one.
Anyone out there who's remarried and happier? I thin we'd all be interested to hear from you.
I have not yet had the pleasure to meet anyone here yet whose situation quite parallels mine:
XW left for OM, we knew we both had our hands in the breakdown of the MR, but XW refused to accept her blame, ran with the WAS script, "it's all your fault", but always wanted to talk and try to be friends, I stood my boundry, I can't be friends with my (then) W while she is with, even later on engaged to someone else. At the times, it felt like she was baiting, maybe was to an extent.
Our D got particularly nasty over over the kids and was final half a year ago. Within a month, XW finally expressed true regret for her actions and that D was'nt the answer, and hinted at remorse. She did FINALLY accept her faults, but still carried much anger and angst that I cared not to deal with, and just went on with life for myself and to be the best "part time" parent I could.
Life this way slowly ate away at her and here we are now, the past 4 weeks, talking, she's dumped OM, been to family dinners for the first time in 15 months, and have been out several times together, essentially 'dating', finally talked out all of the issues in one sitting without wanting to kill the other, and really laid the MR problems to rest where they belong and take this as a new relationship.
I should say, the 'spark' NEVER left. You know that look in you spouse's eye that says everything the mouth doesn't have to? We never lost that, and I NEVER got the ILYBINILWY shapeal, actually the exact opposite, she always said she loved me still.
We;re not out of the woods yet, still some issues on my end with OM and weither or not I can forgive mutual friends and family on her end for their support of the A, but in all, we are moving in a forward direction.
Me 35/XW 33 S13 & S12 M: 10/17/98 OM & S: 07/08 D final 06/09/09 12/03/09 - 06/13/10 "Piercing" 06/13/10: Engaged to Re-marry 10/17/10 06/25/10: Expecting baby #3 2/14/11
