hoping for better times to come

[maple]

This is not a family computer -- one that you both have regular access to?

I have my own laptop and he has the other 3 desktop computers downstairs to play with. If I am downstairs and the computer is on, I use it. And he uses my laptop once in awhile if he is upstairs.

We don't really have a family computer that everyone uses.

[Puppy Dog Tails]

The one that he does all his gaming on . . . do you have access to it? Meaning, can you log onto Windows, or does he need to give you a password each time for you to log on?

Or is the issue that you can't download a PROGRAM without Admin rights??

Puppy

[praying_in_GA]

Our situations sound so similar. He has moved out of our place though.

I hope we both can find a way to move on, GAL, and let go. Maybe they will realize we are done and come back.

[maple]

The one that he does all his gaming on . . . do you have access to it? Meaning, can you log onto Windows, or does he need to give you a password each time for you to log on?

Or is the issue that you can't download a PROGRAM without Admin rights??

Puppy

I can't install without admin rights. Can't remember what it was that I was trying to install years ago (before my own laptop) but he had to do it from the admin account. If his computer if off, I cannot log in without username and pswd. Each time he reconfigures his computers, he changes pswds etc...

I was just down there on his computer and I see some bookmarked porn sites/torrent dwnld, and an open web page for condos for sale in our area. And we are in no condition for an investment prop. Hmmm...

H can be a pretty vindictive, sneaky man who likes revenge when he is wronged. I am pretty sure, he knows I browse his computer and I can't help thinking he plants things for me to see. I would be his style.

Tension is building btwn us again. Last night we were on the verge of a big fight. He mentioned selling the house and I asked what do you mean by that and he responded do you really want to have this discussion now. He repeated it about 4 times as a few topics came up. Kids were playing in the room so we let it go. I felt like I wanted to go downstairs later and have it out but it would not have been good for my psyche.

[pearlharbr]

Puppy can help you with ways to gather information. If you're running into roadblocks right now I would proceed assuming he is having an affair. The red flags are there. I'm not saying don't stop trying to get the info (I installed a keylogger and from there had access to all BF's records), just start wrapping your mind around it now and act accordingly.

First things first--do NOT initate any R talks including talks about selling the house.

If you haven't already, read OrlandoGator's thread. Also look at posts by gucci loafer, robx and Steve McQueen.

Yes, by leaving you are becoming the WAS. People here are split on this approach but you have already done it once successfully so that's why I think it would be good for you. Personally I tried both, first tried to wait out the affair then kicked him out. The first did nothing and made things worse, after I threw him out and ended things he realized what he was doing and decided he wanted to make it work with us.

[Puppy Dog Tails]

H can be a pretty vindictive, sneaky man who likes revenge when he is wronged.

Then I would think, just for your OWN protection then, , you might want to velcro a voice-activated recorder up underneath the front seat of his car then, kwim? Speaking just THEORETICALLY, of course . . .

[Puppy Dog Tails]

If his computer if off, I cannot log in without username and pswd. Each time he reconfigures his computers, he changes pswds etc...

Emphasis on "if". Seems to me that a bright, resourceful, PATIENT woman might find just ONE 15-minute opportunity at some point in the next 30 days?

Means of communication (computers and cellphones) that a wayward THINKS are locked down, yield 10x the intel that one would otherwise yield if they're not so sure.

Puppy

[Puppy Dog Tails]

And he uses my laptop once in awhile if he is upstairs.

Hmmmmmm . . .

Maybe TWO can play at this game:

I am pretty sure, he knows I browse his computer and I can't help thinking he plants things for me to see. I would be his style.

Let's put that hole-card in our hip pocket for possible later use.

[Ready2Change]

That's OK. A wayward will eventually let their guard down, make no mistake. But you have to be PREPARED for it. You know what they say -- "Luck is what happens when Preparation meets Opportunity."
...

I knew all I needed to know, and it was GOOD that I knew it, because no more than 4-5 days later, she tried to gaslight me about not having any feelings for this OM. At that point, I said "STOP IT -- we both know you're lying to me right now. I saw your text messages the other morning, so you can sell that to someone who's buying."

Puppy

Great thought process! They do get lazy when they do not think we are watching.

My WAS was easy to pattern. Her phone was glued to her. I had access to phone logs, saw lots to OM with an abrupt stop. I never saw the actual texts. Red flag enough for me...

[maple]

logged into H's email account thru service provider website and searched sent/trash and guess what I find....

H sent to our realtor Nov 3:
".... A friend of mine is looking for apt....has to be 1bdrm/den....she has told me of a deal she has going and I told her to bail out...I'll let her fill you in with the details. I told her to hold off for a winder deal as she would be renting anyways...Anyway her name is XXX and her email is XXXX."

I have never heard of this friend XXX before - looks like her last name was part of her email address.


@#$%!!!!! I go looking for something and lo and behold... I find this.