Ok so...the phone session was more validating than anything.

Good news: I am already doing the right things by making changes for the better, being caring is okay, AND so is LETTING HIM TAKE OUR BABY TO OW!!??!That was one of my biggest worries. My coach said that I am doing whatever to encourage a father son relationship, so as long as the OW is not abusive or addicted to drugs, it isn't harmful to my baby (just my ego).

He said to not make any major moves for 6 weeks...no filing of paperwork or pressuring him to make a decision. (So my decision to file for D in January is a good timeline!)

He said a dark plan B is not good in my situation currently.

He said to face my fear: I am afraid my WH will present me with D paperwork. So what if he does? It takes a long time to complete the divorce process and besides, I am way more likely to be okay than he is if the D goes through. But I am supposed to
just stay cool and remind him it is his choice, not mine, then continue going about my changes in behavior. Kind of like "that's a shame. Oh well, I tried." I envision reacting like if you invite a friend to do something but they already made other plans.

He also said to "be the woman that you know he is supposed to be with" so be confident, caring, attractive, attentive but at the same time create a little mystery by doing new things, dressing up, and not tell him where I'm going.

So I didn't learn anything new except get confirmation that I'm doing the right things so far in regard to my behavior changes, it's okay for me to let him see his baby as much as he wants, even if it means taking him to see OW, BUT I could surprise him by changing his visiting schedule a little to make room for my plans. (only put up with this for the next 6 weeks)

Bad news: I learned all this from the books, websites, forums (this and others). I liked my coach just fine, but it wasn't his fault that I was already putting the book's recommendations into practice and don't necessarily need his help right now.
(We'll see what I think in a few weeks though--damn rollercoaster!)

Now as for tonight...am making another new meal tonight (chicken satay w/ curry rice) and the next 3 nights. I ran choices by WH yesterday and he said they all sounded good! Flank steak with bacon and balsamic glaze; baked potato on the side & Baked ranch chicken coated in Panko bread crumbs with brown sugar carrots on side.

My next GAL project--belly dancing classes. Currently some do not start up until December. There are "exotic dancing lessons" but I don't know if I am still too chubby for that right now, especially if a pole is involved LOL!


me,34
exH,34
S,16 months
S:3/31/09-left for OW
started DBing 10/09
d final: sometime 10/10
current:
http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2022856&page=1
met in 2004