I am sorry for what your W is doing to your family; but it sounds that you are handling it about as well as you can. I just wanted to make a quick comment on the following:
Originally Posted By: shellshockedga
In a strange way, I wouldstill like to see this have a good ending.
I know what you are trying to say here, but also wanted to remind you that you can turn this into a good ending no matter what your W does. How you live your life and what you turn it into is completely up to you; no matter what obstacles are put in front of you.
Well, its been a few days since I lasted posted. Needed some time off plus I had to travel for work. Needless to say, the past two days have been rough. Coach, I know "I can Handle it!"
Yesterday I reached the end of the rope and decided to stop trying to change her mind and agree to move forward with D. Don't worry, I will not grease the skids for her, but the overwhelming toll it is taking on me and my boys is just too much. Better to let her go in search of the greener pastures then to keep my children or me in limbo.
Not sure how I feel today. It was a long trip across country so that doesnt help. But, I feel as though telling her it was over was the right thing to do. I started taking control this past weekend, and have now moved it into second gear. I feel sorry for my children who will have to endure this because of the sitch my WAS has put us in. But over time, I hope they realize that their father was strong, honest and courageous and is doing the right thing by letting go of her.
I have conversations to a minimum now, only about boys and misc issues. Any other discussion can be through L.
I can honstly say, after reading much and being on this board that I didnt make the best DBer, so for those reading, DO BETTER THAN ME. In the end, her mind was made up long, long ago. I am confident that God will provide the right direction for me and that the right person is out there for me.
This is not the end of my posts, but may be for this specific thread. Now, more than ever, its time to put the past where it belongs - in the past and work on my future as a more confident and independent person.
Now begins a brand new journey which I am sure will prove to be fullfilling.
ME 41, Her 41 M 18.5 years T 19.5 years s - 12, 10 Bomb 7/12/09 Inhouse Seperation 7/13/09 - 10/1/09 She moved out 10/1/09 - present
Wow, Dinner tonight was not pleasant as can be imagined. She pulled out the gatlin guns and went right after me about the tiniest stuff - going so far as to say maybe we shouldn't eat dinner together in the future. OK. That will be her choice.
a week of bliss awaits as me and the boys take off for t-day on Saturday. Sunshine and warmth in our near future.
ME 41, Her 41 M 18.5 years T 19.5 years s - 12, 10 Bomb 7/12/09 Inhouse Seperation 7/13/09 - 10/1/09 She moved out 10/1/09 - present
Wow, Dinner tonight was not pleasant as can be imagined. She pulled out the gatlin guns and went right after me about the tiniest stuff - going so far as to say maybe we shouldn't eat dinner together in the future. OK. That will be her choice.
a week of bliss awaits as me and the boys take off for t-day on Saturday. Sunshine and warmth in our near future.
Enjoy your time with your boys!!! Much deserved, and from the sound of it, much needed!
bim
BIM M 39 / H 40 / S 9 / S 6 / T 20 / M 11
my sitch: http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=1828127#Post1828127
Wow, Dinner tonight was not pleasant as can be imagined. She pulled out the gatlin guns and went right after me about the tiniest stuff - going so far as to say maybe we shouldn't eat dinner together in the future. OK. That will be her choice.
Big mistake on your behalf my friend. One minute you say you are done... and then... dinner?
What the heck were you thinking! Oh, yeah, I forgot... you were hoping she would come running back. Uh-uh pal, it don't work like that.
So, you made the mistake on getting together for dinner. I wish you had told us about this... could have prepped you for it better. Here's how it should have gone down... The minute she started spewing you should have got up. Looked her in the eye and said calmly, "See? I knew this would happen. I must have been out of my mind to think that you could be an adult. Goodbye" ... and left. Oh, and if this happened in your house then you should have shown her to the door.
Your sitting there and listening was a waste of time and sent the message she could continue disrespecting you. And you sit there and LET her tell you maybe we shouldn't have dinner again... And then... you sit there and tell us... "OK, that's her choice"?
No way Jose. It don't work like that. Back to the dark room for you my friend. From now on you act like the MAN I know you are. You do NOT allow her to spew. You hang up. You treat this wench like a child. No more talk. She calls and IF you decide to answer you say, "Yeah?" If she has something to say about the kids you talk. The minute she starts spewing you tell her firmly, "Sorry, I'm not interested. Talk to my lawyer. Goodbye." and hang up.
M:11 | T:12 | Status: Married 4C's of WAS communication: Cool, Calm, Collected and CONFIDENT
Gnosis - did you miss the whole 'nest' concept that SSGA is living and the agreement to have dinner together as a family every Thursday night? It's completely ridiculous. I would have thought that after the recent discoveries and confrontations that crap would have been thrown out the window. WTH were you thinking SSGA?
Have you talked to GIMA about all of this?
T19 M15 S19 XH47 M43 bomb12/4/07 PA5/07 S12/26/07 D final 11/17/08 Back together with no defined R 05/2010 confused....to say the least!!!
Duh! Slap on the forehead. Thunk, dunk, thunk!! (banging head on the wall) I forgot all about it! Arrgghhh!!!
Thanks for reminding me. Now I remember. This was the reason why I've never commented on the thread before. Nesting is the most insane, idiotic concept EVER thought up. The braindead, retarded therapist that came up with that idea should be hung upside down by the privates.
My humblest apologies SSGA. I won't be back here. I wish you the best of luck with everything.
M:11 | T:12 | Status: Married 4C's of WAS communication: Cool, Calm, Collected and CONFIDENT
Fear not, this too will be comming to an end. I have made it known that I will no longe be leaving the house except during the week for work. As soon as the L gives me the thumbs up, which i hope is in the next few days, we will end this nesting crap. however, until then, there is too much riding on it to make ANY mistakes or do anything that would be considered a negative in the eyes of the court. lots of cards are in my hand. As GIMA says, dont give ANY a way. Even if i have to bite me tounge for a short while. This is now all about the end game.
So bear with me.
Tonight's dinner was planned and discussed in advance with GIMA. The bonus was I got a great beer mug out of it :-)
ME 41, Her 41 M 18.5 years T 19.5 years s - 12, 10 Bomb 7/12/09 Inhouse Seperation 7/13/09 - 10/1/09 She moved out 10/1/09 - present
