Hi Avermont, I am certainly not the expert some of these gentlement are I am just trying to survive my own sitch day by day... but... based on some things I am slowly learning I'd like to offer a few thoughts:
Originally Posted By: avermont
Re: independent woman growth--I think it is growth to learn to ask for help (as I have been doing); to admit that I am not a towering pillar of strength and do need help/love; to admit that I am not self-contained, don't need no-one no-how sort of gal that I have presented. I'm not proposing I faint all over the place--but to admit to needing someone/something IS different for me.
I GAL; I have no contact; I do whatever is necessary to survive (AD meds, therapy, talking to friends, running) but haven't done anything to affect the R.
He is over there, and I am over here, and never the twain shall meet--unless someone changes something.
Again, please understand I am taking your words seriously, not trying to argue.
One thing I have learned/am learning... is that everything that seems to actually WORK is counter-intuitive. It feels like the exact opposite of what would make sense.
You say you have done nothing to affect the R? I don't believe that. By getting stronger, taking care of yourself, etc. .... it affects the R even if he doesn't see it day by day. You are becoming a different person.... a strong, confident, self aware woman who knows more of what she wants now. When you do interact with him, he will see this, even if he doesn't acknowledge it. That will be attractive to him.
I have read elsewhere on this forum that very few affairs last more than six months or so. He may seem "happily ensonced in his A" right now... but for how long? In the meantime, you are becoming one FABULOUS and ATTRACTIVE woman! (that is my mantra)
In the meantime.... yes keep the pathway back paved and smooth (as I believe Puppy puts it) with friendliness, polite interest etc. and when he is ready to see the A for what it really is (some temporary distraction), he will be able to see what he is missing in the new you!
that is my 2 cents for whatever it is worth... Rocked
