K4D Rising #4

[Super Girl]

Gack! Seriously?

[K4D]

Gack! Seriously?

Yup. I read an article on it from National Geographic.

Kevin

[Startingover2]

I go to the store and this thread jumps 4 pages! Amazing. Kevin you have alot of support on here. More than anyone I know...I can go days without a response. Probably because I say the same things over and over again. LOL

Don't overanalyze. BIL and W had a meal together. Leave it at that!

[K4D]

Don't overanalyze. BIL and W had a meal together. Leave it at that!

I know. It is just that my BIL said he would hold off on filing and give it more time after he talked to her. And I am just wondering what gives him the impression that something might change with more time.

Kevin

[Startingover2]

Don't overanalyze. BIL and W had a meal together. Leave it at that!

I know. It is just that my BIL said he would hold off on filing and give it more time after he talked to her. And I am just wondering what gives him the impression that something might change with more time.

Kevin

Nothing has changed. She maybe just blowing smoke as to not look like the only bad guy in the situation. Now if she were to say "M is done, I want out and on with my life" how does that look? It makes her look better to blow smoke like she gives a crap. Sorry to be blunt, but I hear it all the time from my exh and I really think all it serves to do is relieve some of their guilt.

Someone told me a long time ago and I will pass it on: Until the day your W stands at your door and asks to work on the M 100%, is committed and willing to do what it took, and then taking the time to see what happens then take everything with a grain of salt. Remember actions speak louder than words. What are her actions really saying?

[K4D]

What are her actions really saying?

Her actions are saying she is done and has moved on.

Kevin

[Startingover2]

What are her actions really saying?

Her actions are saying she is done and has moved on.

Kevin

Ok, keep that in the forefront of your mind. At least you don't have her saying ILY and I miss you and I want things to be different and then find out she is sleeping with someone else that night! Ewwww...thats the kind of mind games I deal with all the time.

It sucks. I get it and I suck at being strong too. None of us wanted our M's to fail. But you cannot do it alone. Start making a list of all the positives in your life aside of W.

[Virtually_Handsome]

Kevin, if you decide you need to file, do it. If she really doesn't want that (I know, we will all be very surprised), there's plenty of time to stop it. It may be time to make the consequences of her choices, and yours, for that matter, real.

[CityGirl]

Let me ask you a very reasonable question. Why does your BIL have so much power over you? Is it because he is pro-marriage and very successful?

Your BIL seems to view himself as a very powerful man. Who is he to tell you to hold off on making choices about YOUR life until he talks to your W? Can you see from an outsiders perspective how that comes off?

Why does your BIL feel he can get any further with your W than you can? It seems rather strange to me that your super smart, super successful BIL doesn't see that perhaps your W was just "playing nice" and not wanting to look like the bad guy.

And please pardon this question as it is blunt but why do you put so much stock in what your BIL says but not what hundreds of people in the SAME SITUATION try to get you to think about on an hourly basis.

Hell, the County Clerk's office closed 20 min. ago which means I am now officially and legally separated and I am still pro-marriage, just not *this* marriage.

Sometimes you have to give a little to get a little. I realize I sound like a hard-ass and in my situation I had to be one but just two days ago I mentioned in your thread what was happening to ME today and not once have you asked how I am doing. But I kept plugging away with you and YOUR problems.

Get out of your own head, it will be the only way to see things clearly. Actions speak, words do not. Your W has not put forth one action towards you that would indicate she has any interest in working on the marriage. I am sorry to say that but it seems to be the reality of the situation.

But this power your BIL has over you probably should have some examination as it seems very strange to me. This is just my opinion but I think you want to be your BIL - he has a good job and your W respects him for that and that is why you allowed him to attempt to control things with your W. Just think about that for a while.

[K4D]

CG, first let me ask, how are you doing with everything?

As far as my BIL having power over me or anything else. He is actually a really humble person and extremely nice. But he does stand up for M's and families especially if he thinks there is any chance he might be able to help. He tried to reason with my W and see if there is any way to get her to reconsider things. After 45 minutes of talking to her and not really getting anywhere, he finally dropped the subject and moved on to another one.

And he did see that perhaps she was just playing nice. He said that she may very well have been wearing a mask during the conversation. He knows what she is like.

Kevin