One thing I noticed at S12's tournament this weekend is that there are a lot of other women out there in the world, and as GIMA pointed out in his thread we think we need a woman but we really don't. I am coming around to that idea. I know I don't want W in her current state - I will only want her to *choose* me out of her own free will and not out of duty in the end.

If she can't do that and also observe boundaries then I wouldn't want her back anyway. Previously I would have taken her (and have for hte most part over the past year) under just about any circumstances even though I have always insisted that she cuts off contact with OM (which she hasn't). Before the bomb, both of us were settling for something less than we deserved but we both needed to put in the work to address it obviously.

Over time, as I get stronger and more detatched, the bar gets higher. I think about the hurt and emotional devastation she has brought to the table and I realize I am not willing to have her back under the same circumstances I would have settled for before. I also know that I won't ever allow a woman to do this to me again. I have been transformed in some fundamental ways when it comes to my attitude about women and relationships.

At the end of the day, if W really does leave and we end up D, the one thing I can thank her for is helping me to realize that I am worth *way* more than I have been receiving from her lately, and I won't settle for less in the future and I will also *earn* that level of love and devotion from whomever I am with given all of the valuable things I have learned from going through this hell. Sorry to sound arrogant, but if she isn't that person then it is her great loss.

I had to laugh, but I was at BILs/SILs house the other day and they relayed a comment from my W's cousin, whom has been through a D were OPs were involved. She said that I need to DATE in order to snap W out of her funk (these are her relatives telling me this, mind you). She said that whatever I have been doing (waiting for her to snap out of it) isn't working so I need to try something else (I bet she read DB or somthing).

After reading Gucci and Robx here on these forums I responded that yes,I know that could be effective!

ME/XW:47
S21, D19, S15, S14
M:21 T:26
W moved 6/10 I filed 7/10 D final 4/12 remarried 8/12
W wants to R 12/10 and 4/11 but I decline