First Timer

[wolverine1997]

Haven't posted in a while. Really, nothing new to report. Wife still not talking to me. I've been keeping pretty busy though. Between work, kids, friends, working out, religious activities and chores things have been moving along. Still not sleeping well though. I'm sure that it is a combination of stress and working a swing shift. But hey, who ever said that life would be easy.

[wolverine1997]

First post in a month. Things had not changed at all until yesterday. I was snooping around (which I admit I should not have done but now am glad I did)and found that my wife had contacted a lawyer. She had his card and a blank questionaire form. My first response (besides nausea and panic) was to confront her about it but I didn't. I didn't say a word. What should I do now? Should I contact a lawyer or should I wait until I know for certain that she is going through with the process? Should I increase my efforts at DB? Should I confront her about it? (I don't think that would be wise as it would prove that I was snooping). I don't really know what to do. I am really distraught and stressed out now. I gotta pull myself together. Any advice from anyone?

[Puppy Dog Tails]

First post in a month. Things had not changed at all until yesterday. I was snooping around (which I admit I should not have done but now am glad I did)and found that my wife had contacted a lawyer. She had his card and a blank questionaire form. My first response (besides nausea and panic) was to confront her about it but I didn't. I didn't say a word. What should I do now? Should I contact a lawyer or should I wait until I know for certain that she is going through with the process?

If it were me, I would. Just to get a consultation, and to better know what my rights, responsibilities and options are. I would use the newfound knowledge to protect myself.

And I would not tell my wife I did so, and I would RAMP UP (not stop) my snooping, in order to protect myself.

But that's just me.

Puppy

[wolverine1997]

Thanks for the advice. Do you think that cell phone tapping is going to far?

[Puppy Dog Tails]

I would never advise that you do anything illegal.

I liked how Robx put it recently, in a post to another poster. This is speaking strictly "hypothetically," of course:

* know where cars and cell phones in your name are at all times. people steal these things all the time it is invaluable to know where to recover them.

* online cell phone billing, need to make sure your cell phone is not butt dialing or some chat program is not downloading into your phone when you re sleeping.

* do you have a baby sitter web cam in your house yet? baby sitters are notorious for doing things they should be doing in YOUR house.

* voice activated tape recorders are fun toys to play with. you know when you are driving and blech the ABC's and want to go back and listen to it later.

* oh yeah, has anybody been charging items to your credit cards, make sure you are looking out for identity fraud.

catch the drift.

Or is it just a first-strike LEGAL attack that you're fearing, and not infidelity?

Puppy

[wolverine1997]

First time legal attack. I don't think that infidelity is a problem.

[Puppy Dog Tails]

In that case I would just meet with a good family law attorney. In many jurisdictions, there really is no strategic advantage with being the "first to file." You'll come away from the meeting with a good understanding of just how big (or small) the threat really is, and then you can deal with things accordingly.

Puppy

[wolverine1997]

Thanks. I just called A.D.A.M, American Divorce Attorneys for Men and set up an appointment for this week. The lawyer that I talked to told me be the first to file.

[Puppy Dog Tails]

He could just be wanting to get a retainer out of you, sooner, but it's good that you'll be meeting with him. According to what I've read, altho Michigan is technically a "no-fault" divorce state, there are certain things ("faults") that could affect custody and spousal support.

Puppy

[wolverine1997]

Yeah, it's 100 bucks just to meet with him. He told me that even though I don't want a divorce I should still file first. He told me that I can always change me mind and stop the process if she doesn't go through with it. I'm worried that if I file first and she finds out that I filed that it may push her to follow through.