hoping for better times to come

[pearlharbr]

Puppy can help you with ways to gather information. If you're running into roadblocks right now I would proceed assuming he is having an affair. The red flags are there. I'm not saying don't stop trying to get the info (I installed a keylogger and from there had access to all BF's records), just start wrapping your mind around it now and act accordingly.

First things first--do NOT initate any R talks including talks about selling the house.

If you haven't already, read OrlandoGator's thread. Also look at posts by gucci loafer, robx and Steve McQueen.

Yes, by leaving you are becoming the WAS. People here are split on this approach but you have already done it once successfully so that's why I think it would be good for you. Personally I tried both, first tried to wait out the affair then kicked him out. The first did nothing and made things worse, after I threw him out and ended things he realized what he was doing and decided he wanted to make it work with us.