Puppy: insisting the affair be over before meeting his emotional needs: He isn't asking me to meet any needs. He is asking nothing from me. So I don't have any grounds for asking for the affair to end.
Panic and re-writing history: yes, today is a very bad day for some reason. But--I do truly know that he pursued ME all these years; I took his love for granted; didn't make the effort back to show him my love. I am sure I might be coloring it too strong given my current state, but yes, I held back and he wanted more.
Re: independent woman growth--I think it is growth to learn to ask for help (as I have been doing); to admit that I am not a towering pillar of strength and do need help/love; to admit that I am not self-contained, don't need no-one no-how sort of gal that I have presented. I'm not proposing I faint all over the place--but to admit to needing someone/something IS different for me.
He would have every right to feel smug if I made it clear I wanted him back. That's all right with me. I want him to know the door is open to reconcile...should he ever want to.
Re: Bargaining and grief. I am definately moving out of the total shock/chaos into grief now. But I don't know that I have done any hard earned work the last four months--at least as far as the R goes. I just survived (so far). That was hard enough. But as I haven't died yet, I have to wonder what the next steps are.
Gucci is 100% correct that it wasn't until he walked out that I knew how much I loved him. I don't think that he is worried that I didn't love him because I am not fighting for him. I think that he feels more justified--see, she's not upset--this is no big deal to her.
I GAL; I have no contact; I do whatever is necessary to survive (AD meds, therapy, talking to friends, running) but haven't done anything to affect the R.
He is over there, and I am over here, and never the twain shall meet--unless someone changes something.
Again, please understand I am taking your words seriously, not trying to argue.
Me: 44 Him: 42 Together: 23 years; never married Bomb: August 1, 2009 Affair since May 2009 Walk away; no conversation; no process
