She doesn't want to be a W, she just wants a H, on HER terms. So, she wants the benefits of being M'd, but not any obligation/responsibility that goes along with that.
Careful, I think that is a bit of a one sided way of thinking.
First, let's separate the benefits of being M'd from being in an intimate, loving R.
We are BOTH benefiting from being M'd right now. She get's financial support, nice living arrangements, the ability to project the image to the outside world that she is M'd, assistance raising her kids. I get someone to raise my kids full time so that I can have a career, the ability to project the image to the outside world that she is M'd, help with the house, someone who pays the bills reliably, social interaction, home-cooked meals, etc.
So I think she is fulfilling all of her "obligations" as far as the partnership we have together. I think we are both frustrated and unhappy with the Romantic part of our relationship, but but are each hesitant to leave a marriage partnership that is functioning well.
It's only the romantic relationship that is cold and separate, and Wifey is right - I don't anyone playing a romantic role for me out of obligation or duty.
Yes I WANT, but what I want is for her to CHOOSE to be with me. as SP pointed out a while ago, if "Love is a Choice" then it has to be a CHOICE.
and I can't make it for her.
So, then the question really is whether we are willing to accept/tolerate a M of convenience. Neither party gets any intimacy, but each gets a partnership in handling life. Nothing more, nothing less. And if that is what our M's have become, then is there any willingness to move that M back to an initimate R?
I certainly appreciate my W doing the things you listed in support of the partnership. I do. But, I WANT more. And I say "more," but it's really what I perceive as a happy, "normal" M. And that is NOT "MORE." If my W is not capable of that, then there's no way our M will survive b/c I do not want a partnership.
