Thank you everybody for your support yesterday. I went a bit into panic mode after getting those first couple "NO- DON'T!!" posts, and then H arrived home in a foul mood in the middle of reading the posts, and so I just laid low and stayed busy. Driving S18 back to school last night after dinner was relaxing. I'm calling the bldg mgr today and setting a time on Sat to sign the lease. (I just tried and got the voice mail, they're probably at lunch right now).
I typed out that run-down of H's behavior the other day because I still find myself wondering if I'm making a mistake or something. I have the illusion of a normal marriage and I can't see past it sometimes. I don't know what it takes to make the second thoughts and doubt go away. That little voice needs to shut up, it's distracting and not helpful anymore. H made it clear earlier this month- neither one of us is going to change enough to make the other happy. Well, I don't think one of us really tried, and I'm not going to be the only one to jump through hoops this time. And if he feels that way, why is he sticking around? He's waiting for me to go, right? I end up looking like the bad guy for bailing. (And let's not forget the famous line from our last set of troubles- "I paid for everything- leave and don't take anything!!" I haven't forgotten the he!! he put me through that time, and I wouldn't put it past him to try it again when he gets angry about the current situation.)
I haven't told my family my plans yet. I think I just want to handle this by myself. The only thing I'm going to need help with is moving the damn couch and pool table, and I'm sure I can figure something out.
