CBIH! I just re-read your intro post on your thread. I FEEL YA!! I see why you came out of lurking to comment.
I know you don't feel like you're making great progress w/the counseling so far, but, at least he will go! Good for you for handling it!
#1 feeling at this point in my life... one word rang loudest in your post... rejection.
Sniff sniff! Thanks for going waaaaaay back to find my intro post--it means a lot to me. I'm sorry for not replying sooner...was away from the computer all day yesterday.
I am still not sure I belong here...DH has said he does not want a D, it's not in his makeup, doesn't believe in them, thinks they are "too easy" (I agree, by the way), but we cannot continue to live the way we have for the past ten years soooo...hopefully the MC will help.
Thanks again...I'll keep checking back and hoping good things for you.
Yep, talking louder isn't going to do the trick. You know, sometimes you are heard better if you talk softer. Because they have to listen harder. Don't know if he is ready for that, but it's something to keep in mind.
Your health adventure sounds totally scary! I hope it's something that is controllable, and doesn't happen again! You know, I think your H cares about you, I don't think he called from guilt. The question is whether he cares for you as an H? The jury is still out on that one.
Well, I finally figured out why I don't know the dates for the soccer tourney in Phoenix in January! There are two! One the weekend of the 19th and on the weekend of the 26th. S12's team is going to play in one of them, but hasn't chosen which one yet.
cbih.... I'm not one for divorce, and I don't want a divorce. Yet, I'm the one who filed, and it's going to happen. Rejection is a pretty powerful weapon.
Ha! My H tells me... (when I'm on the phone) "You don't need a phone. Just open a window!" (jokingly...) So, speaking softly would be a 180! Just for kicks... what are your thoughts on speaking softly? Interesting...
The heart thing sucks. I go to the cardiologist next week. A few of my MD friends were surprised I wasn't put on some meds. We'll see.
How's the dating life? I've been reading along, all along, so I've seen some ups and downs. There's no sense in constant looking, because if you're this cool in person, the right person will come to you! Some adult companionship is nice, though!
We're the weekend of the 26th... THANK GOD! As, the week of the 19th is his Jr High bball conference finals, and they're undefeated 1/3 of the way through. They should end up pretty strong. S12's third sport is bball. He's ok, but a second stringer... Still gets plenty of playing time, though. He had 15 points last night! He was playing like a mad man!
Had dinner w/my girlfriends last night. H offered to do the run-around w/the boys so I could go earlier. It was fun.
CYA
Me-46, D-21, S15, S13
After many years w/my head in the sand... I FILED Divorced 6/2011
The average woman would rather have beauty than brains, because the average man can see better than he can think.
I know all about the rejection. Seems my H couldn't live with me after all. I moved back over to seperating as he left on Monday.
My H stopped showing me love for me as well. We got along grest had good times together, even went to weekends alone, & never stopped the horizontal tango... but he doesn't love me and he is gone to pursue another life.
Rejection stinks, it was the more hurtful than the original A. My friend from back and I were talking on the phone about my situation (before he left) and she said "Sandycay, I don't know who you are anymore... you don't say anything like your real self would say. This is slowly killing the real you." I isolated myself to in the situation. I lost myself and my physical health was affected by all this.
So, he H is gone and there is some relief. I believe now when he told me I deserve to by loved by someone who will love me back, because I am a great person, wife, and mother.
I do deserve that, I wish it was with him though, but that will never happen. I see that now.
I hope your cardio helps you out.
M:47 M:18 D16, S19 1st S 1/08-5/08 Reconciled/May 7, 2008 Left again Nov 9, 2009 I Filed: Nov 17, 2009 Final: April 14, 2010 EX walked away from kids too
sandycay, smw told me about that too. I know I never talked to you, but I will pray for you. What you need to do is realize that God loves you, and that YOU need to love yourself. Have you truly loved yourself in this last year? It is so important. and never, is a strong word. you can never know what your future will hold, you can only make the choices to shape it.
mindful, I am SO relieved to see you back. I have really been worried. please call me sometime, I'd love to talk to you in person.
also, I want to say that because of this struggle you are having, and because of the text you wrote, I really believe you need to specifically ask him for what you need. a response. you did not ask him a question in your text, and you did not ask for a response, and you did not get one. it seems that your H will need to be directly asked. if you can't say it face to face, write it in a letter. tell him that you understand that it is hard for him to express his feelings, but as a person, a human, you need him to talk to you and share how that text made him feel, or whatever it is you are wanting from him.
AND, get yourself back on track. somewhere, you have misplaced yourself, and you need to put that focus back on you again. Please allow God to lift you up in this time of need to.
thank you so much for writing... I do get distraught when people suddenly disappear, but you have been one that "scared" me the most. You have been so upbeat and so positive and posted so consistently, I wasn't sure what to think. I know this isn't about me, but darnit, don't do that again! lol
Me 33 H 34 S9 S3 M 6 yrs (2gether 11 yrs) EA/PA 1/2006 DB 5/2006 H wants D 6/2006 H wants ME 8/2006 H "said" PA/EA over 8/2006 H erased OW off phone! 2/2007
"It is far better 2 choose humility & change oneself, than 2 wait in vain trying 2 chang someone else."
"Sandycay, I don't know who you are anymore... you don't say anything like your real self would say. This is slowly killing the real you." I isolated myself to in the situation. I lost myself and my physical health was affected by all this.
This pretty much sums up my life right now.
Thank you for understanding.
Me-46, D-21, S15, S13
After many years w/my head in the sand... I FILED Divorced 6/2011
The average woman would rather have beauty than brains, because the average man can see better than he can think.
Speaking softly.... Literally might not be a bad idea. Not whispering, but enough such that when you are talking he has to stop doing whatever he is doing to really listen. And maybe even come closer to you.
Figuratively, maybe you can use softer words. Even more, maybe you can "listen" more softly. Make sure that he can see that you are listening to him.
Will it make any difference? I don't know! But I don't think it can hurt.
I haven't done anything like dating, or contacted anyone in more than three seeks now. I might not until the holidays are over. Not carving that in stone, just thinking that with all the holiday stresses that are about anyway it might not be the best time. I'm not too worried about it for now. I'd like to think that I am the same person in person, though I am not really a "forward" sort, so it will most likely take a little work on my part for the right person to find me!
I hope they can get to the bottom of your medical situation! Had that happened before, or was this the first time? Scary, in any case!
I haven't heard anything about which tournament S11's team is going to play in yet. I think it is going to come down to which weekend fewer kids have previous commitments for. They don't have school the 25th and 26th. It's Rodeo Weekend! Yes that's right. Almost all of the schools around Tucson don't have school those two days because of all of the rodeo activities. I might have to go up to see a bit of the second tourney in any case!
I'm sorry you are feeling so down. We really need to turn your focus back on the bright shiny mindful that we know is in there. So, what are you doing this week?
