Puppy: let my try to explain the gray thing: I have always been the king of person that goes 100% one way - unless I switch to 100% the other way. It's not a great thing in general and has always bothered my wife. She clearlyy tells me now that she wishes I could just not have our relationship defined in any specific way. I suppose she is actually dbing me - she is GAL, living strong without needing me and making a major life change for her. She said yesterday "it's not about our marriage, it's about me instead of you or the kids".
She is absolutely calling the shots for the first time in our life. She is not saying that anything will or won't be a certain way - just that she has not made any final decision on the future, but is doing what she needs for her right now.
Yes, WAW being herself is what I want for us to have a healthy marriage. She has never felt that she could really be her - that I always stifled her and never really liked the real her. Do I like what that means for us right now? - no - but it's reality and I have to deal with it.
Puppy, to be perfectly honest I am afraid that if I don't keep some kind of relationship between us, and have her own her consequences, she just might love her life without me so much, she would completley decide against reconciliation. Again, it's like she's dbing me! The more comfortable she is her new life, the more I want her back. I am truly afraid that if I let her go fully, she will never come back.
But at the same time, I am being honest when I say that not being black and white would be a huge 180 for me and a change that WAW would love to see. She HATES when I am all or nothing. It's an aspect of my personality that I would like to change no matter what.
So....are you saying that it would be improper dbing to take her to the party? She doesn't really care to go, but simply said she would if I wanted her to. Would it send a strong message about my ability to GAL and move forward by not taking her? I am not sure which I would prefer. At some point, I hope to "date" each other while we are separated and this would be a good start. The final decision in 100% mine, I'm just not sure what will be best for the future.
