I have been reading several posts and saw a couple that have made me want to come back and keep sharing. I also had a new twist this weekend. My S-18 came right out and asked me if my H cheated on me. I was so caught off guard and wasn't sure what to say so I said, go ask your dad. What a horrible answer. My relationship with my son has always been built on trust and honesty. What is the right thing to do here? Do I tell him yes and then give no details keeping that between my spouse and myself, or do I tell him it is none of his business--which I feel withholding info is more painful that the answer itself, because my H withheld info even though I knew in my heart what was happening. Or do I lie and say no to spare my H relationship with his son?
Also, what is wrong with me that I am still so angry at having to deal with this? I am so angry that I am having to learn techniques to block images in my mind and to block the story I keep telling myself. I keep going back in time and think if I would've done this different or if I would've reached out one more time he wouldn't have strayed. I keep taking it on myself. I went back through all my emails that I sent him over the last year and a half and saw I did reach out to him several times when things started to go bad with his job and he chose not to respond to it. What else could I have done. The reason I want to know is so the past does not repeat itself. I am afraid that my anger and spitting venom will also drive him away, but I am just angry at having to fix myself when he is the one who wrecked me. How do I ever believe in him again? Dottie says it is possible, but I do have to do this work. That just makes me angry because my H gets off with a little bit of guilt but really he got to eat a big fat cake and have me too. WOW!!!
Back to my question, what is the right answer for my adult son? Do I be honest, with hold info or lie?
