It's weird. The anger cycle continues. And it continues to get precipitated by the dumbest things. This time it was tools.

WAW Herself had asked to borrow some tools to do some decorating around her house before Boyfriend -- Signore il Secono -- visits later in the month. (How do I know it's Boyfriend? All the comments were of the vague "someone is coming over" variety, but when she's had presumably non-controversial company it's always been"Jane/Mary/sister/etc. is spending the weekend" -- this is WAW's way; she thinks abstraction is camouflage.)

So I lent them but asked for them back; this led to a "well I want to inventory them because I want my half" which led to a p*ssing contest -- what, you want half the sockets? Half the Allen wrenches?

It degenerated fairly rapidly. After a half-hour's cooling off, I wrote a brief note apologizing, saying that I'd take the hit on it. No response to the apology, just a statement that hopefully we'll observe the Geneva Convention with respect to each other in the future for the kids' sake.

Which led to this reflection: As much as I'd like to be post-divorce friends with WAW intellectually -- that is, as much as I can "see" the rationale of salvaging something from 22 years -- in practical (i.e., psycho-emotional) terms I just don't see it happening. Which is saddening, in its way. It's unpleasant to think that I won't ever again have a meaningful connection with the person who was, for nearly a quarter-century, the central person in my life.

But I can't see an emotional logic for it. I don't need her for current events discussions; I don't need her for emotional comforting or support; I don't need her (nor she me) for sexual satisfaction. We'd never be the kind friends who discuss their romantic lives with each other -- I mean, that would be too weird.

So "it" really is over, with all the "it" that "it" entailed. I'll be as Friendy as I can be, insofar as that's good for the kids. But beyond that... When I see her now -- and I see her fairly often since she drops the kids off at school directly outside my office window -- I don't see the woman I loved or even liked. I see the woman who did the Worst Thing in the World. And that is the saddest thing of all to me -- not only has WAW lost her identity in my world-view, she's lost a good deal of her humanity.

I'm not sure when I stopped building a bridge. But clearly I have.