I would really appreciate some feedback from the pros, expecially those who have followed my thread regarding the following:
This could be a long post, so patience please...
As many of you may already know, one thing that has always bothered my WAW is that I am so black and white and she is not. Even now, as we lead up to the day she moves out, she is still very gray about the future of our marriage, the type of realtionship we will have after she moves etc. So...being "gray" would be a 180 for me and would certainly be appreciated by my WAW. That leads me to a couple of questions.....
My company XMAS part is December 5, but I must give notice by November 23 if I will be attending and if I will be bringing a guest. WAW says she will attend if I want her too - even though that is only 4 days after she moves out. I know it would be good dbing to tell her that once she has the keys to her apartment she should be there. But...we have already agreed to her moving out slowly to keep things as comfortable as possible for the family vacation at XMAS time. I aslo know it would be great GAL and dbing in general to tell her I don't want her to go to my company party. But........
Would taking her to the party and letting the move out be slow (maybe even have her sleep in our bedroom) be a major 180 by being gray? WAW still doesn't seem to think that our separation must lead to divorce. She literally is living one day at a time and to quote her "if we wind up together, then we do - if we wind up divorced, then we do". At this point (and it could change) she hasn't ruled out us dating during the separation - or even sex.
Yes, she is cake eating to some extent, but she is also just being her genuine self. Something I often didn't let her do comfortably. Again, this would be a 180 for me. She would certainly see this as loving her unconditionally.
I believe, that if I keep being friendly, polite and remove pressure, but let things be fun when we are together, it will leave the door open to a possibility of rebuilding our relationship over the next year.
We both plan on real separation beginning in January. I need the time to deal with reality and she needs time to heal. But, between now and then I am not sure what to do. I also don't know how long that real separation will last, but will deal with that later.
Your comments and thoughts are appreciated. Do I "hardcore db" and make my WAW only live in her new world (but even that will allow time at house with kids) which will appear to be more of the same black and white to my WAW - or should I be gray and go with the flow and let WAW see that I can be different?
