Moving on with my life!

[Startingover2]

I was in a huge funk these past few days and now starting over this week. There are alot of things going on in my life that make it difficult..not just exh. He is just a piece of the puzzle. Im completely broke.

Wasn't supposed to be this way when I was growing up. I was told not to worry by my father, that things were set up and I would never have to worry about money. Well my very naieve mother made some changes and bad decisions a few years back and that has all changed now. She is doing ok, but my future was given away. I now at middle age have to worry about finding a job. I have never worked a day in my life. I now am a single mother with a toddler at 44 with a dwindling income. I have huge resentment towards my mom at times, but I try and understand that she was very naieve and taken advantage of by certain people and talked into making changes from the things my dad had set up. Its hard though. I know she is worried too, but never ever apologizes to me or even acknowledges (sp) that she screwed up. She should have left things the way they were.

So that has been on my mind as well. My d20 came for a visit this weekend. It was nice to see her, but I don't see her that much because she is so busy when she is here. She also stays at her dads because she knows I won't let them sleep together at my house. He will. I just can't do that. But spending time with her I think she is happy. Her bf seems nice and whatever was going on a few months ago seems to be better. She has visited more often lately and I really think she is missing her baby sister alot. Thats fine. I am always happy to see her, but when she leaves its like saying goodbye all over again. I hate it.

I am really trying to align myself back with God again. For some reason it makes exh uncomfortable and he makes little comments like I think I am perfect now. I don't at all. He is just living a horribly immoral life.

So, thats it. Going to find a positive attitude today. Even if it comes and goes.