Stepping out and Stepping UP!

[cagzmom]

thanks T.

I can tell I have and am moving forward. It is hard though as I still am drawn to him. He tried pulling me in again on Saturday-- I react so differently then before. I used to try and rescue.. now I say to him.. "GET HELP".

Saturday he was in his normal "woe is me" mode...I shared with him what s20 had said about missing his "old dad"... He told me his mom is coming for christmas (i already knew) and I said I know GREAT. he said "i told her not to come.." and that is how we got into his woe is me...

All i said was get help - get counseling -... He finaly said something truthful. HE SAID IT "I DONT WANT TO FACE IT Cagzmom.." I said you are right - facing it is hard but healing is so worth it.

And that is where we are...
Before he said "i can't be fixed"
Now he finally admitted - the work of looking inside....too much

So -- instead of healing himself, working his life - working to become whole - he will loose more and more years with his son .. He has a "disney dad" fake relationship with his daughter... She too knows he is depressed..but it is different tehn son. MY SON really really lost the most...