A month has passed and things just changed so fast without me noticing it. I have decided to end the torment of saving my marriage. I have signed the separation deed on 13 Nov and mark 14 Nov 09 as the commencement of the separation. He has moved out since 14 Nov out of respect for me (according to him). He said he wants to punish himself for the BIG mistake he made and he will win me back and be back to the family. At this point of time, I wouldn't want to believe what he said. I just want him out of my life and live with my kids with some peace of mind. As least from now onwards, I no longer feel that he is my husband anymore and that whatever he do or lie to me will not hurt me so badly. I no longer have tears and I am so much stronger than I used to be. I know that from now onward, I need to be stronger for my kids and I have so many things to keep me occupy. I no longer need to have those uneasy feelings.
He told me that he is sure to win my heart back but I have no confidence of it, cos I do not want to live my life like last time and I do not want to be hurt again. I just want to live a peaceful and meaningful live with my kids from now on.
Detachment is so much harder for me and so I chose the path of separation cos I know I will not be able to detach and continue to bear the suffering of my husband still having the affairs.
Now I am on my own with the kids and he can visit the kids 3X a weeks. I guess this decision is the best for me now and I really can feel so much less stressful than 2 months ago.
Thanks for all your encouragment and I will definitely be stronger from now on.
