Tired of the game

[AliSuddenly]

What about me! What about f*ing missing me not the cat! It's all it ever comes down to... his new job. Well good luck with that one ow! Excuses, excuses, excuses!

Hey Julia,
I'm so sorry you got that, it must have been horrible. Its the sort of thing that shuold have been said face to face hey, not in an email, what a shame he didnt pick up the phone.

I just wanted to say.. OF COURSE he misses you, look what he said in his email:

"The idea of not having any more contact with you makes me very sad, but if that is what you would prefer then of course I will do that. I really hope everything is okay at work, at the new flat and so on, and that Maple is still behaving herself. I miss her a lot."

But he cant say, I miss YOU, because that would be hyprocritical and also, giving you false hope and I am sure he doesnt want to do that. In fact, I think contrary to what the obvious reactions are (he's a b*stard, you're better off without him etc).. in a funny way, he has shown some integrity in that as far as I remember, he's never once wavered or made a play for you, or given you the impression he may have made a mistake in leaving you for ow. He has in fact, kind of stuck to his decision. For example, in his email he graciously accepts that you are divorcing him and offers to help.

Plus, with his job.. well, you are not the one anymore, you are not his partner, so you like all other people in our lives, friends, family etc, do have to get slotted in around work and partners. It sounds unfair and it is of course, but he is really different to anyone else in their late 20s who are working hard to get their career off the ground.

Its just very very sad that that one in a million thing happened, he met someone else and they had a mutual attraction and he left you. And yes, it could happen to any of us. My last three bf's were all unfaithful and left me for someone else and I thought I met a good man in my now bf (and he is a good man) and I NEVER thought he would leave me, but even he did! I guess we humans act in the most perverse ways and end up hurting the ones we loved.

I just think yuor H DID love you and probably a part of him does still love you and certainly misses you, but for whatever reason, he has decided to not share his life with you anymore. Thats not your fault and you WILL have a wonderful love life again, you are being very brave, getting out there and meeting guys. As my sister said to me, this is just one man out of 6 billion people on the planet, that one man doesnt define you and what you have to offer, so believe in yourself.

Lastly, he did also say... "I will always regret what I have put you through and I hope that everything turns out well for you.".. which is an apology isnt it? Of sorts anyway, or at least an acknowledgement. But then, your reaction is understandable as I am sure you have alot of anger really about all of this.

How abuot you STOP Dbing and being careful and filtering your thoughts and youself and trying to minimise his guilt etc etc and just DO WHATEVER THE HELL YOU WANT TO DO!? Be honest, be yourself, phone him up, yell and scream if you want to, ask to see him and tell him to his face that you cant believe what he did, that he walked up the aisle with you to then leave a year later, why did he do that ?? Tell him no, of course you dont want to lose him from your life either, but what does he expect, you continue to be this hidden friend that could never meet him (and ow!) in a pub or come to his house !?? How does he think you can remain friends? Do whatever without worrying about HIS reaction or what HE might think of you...I dont know, just let it out of your body somehow, stop trying to be "nice Julia" ??

xxx